Fallon Cook (00:02)
I love Christmas and I want to tell you how much it means to me, but how can I possibly bottle the essence of Christmas using only words? Christmas is a feeling. It's the hum of family in the kitchen. It's wading through a mountain of torn wrapping paper. It's the Christmas music and the sound of kids laughing and playing. It's a little universe of happy chaos. So today we're going to give you our best tips for creating
Christmas magic with your little ones.
Welcome back to Brand New Little People, the podcast companion to the Sombelle Paediatric Sleep Clinic programs created by us. I'm Dr. Fallon Cook and I'm here with Dr. Laura Conway and we're the directors of Infant Sleep Australia. Laura, what will your Christmas look like this year?
Dr Laura (00:51)
well, my Christmas may be a little bit different from other people's Christmases. I share parental responsibility with my co-parent. So my kids are starting off at their dad's house and then they will come to me at about 11 and then they are with me for the next little bit of the holidays. yes, there'll be lots of excitement because they'll be coming to see what Father Christmas has dropped off.
at their second home. So we'll yeah, we'll have present opening then we're doing trips around to friends houses for drinks and nibbles and ending up at one of my best friends places. She's got a swimming pool. So we're hoping for a nice hot day. ⁓ Yeah, so lots of socializing. So yeah, lots of fun. What about you?
Fallon Cook (01:21)
nice.
⁓ nice! ⁓ that sounds lovely.
Amazing.
Well, I don't get you at my house this year. This is my off year where I don't have Laura come and visit. Because the years when you have to hand the kids back at 11, you normally come down to my house and we have the best time, lots of pavlova and fun. Yeah, yeah. So we're feeling a bit grumpy about that this year, but that's all right. 2026, we'll have you back again. But no, I'm so pumped for Christmas this year. We...
Dr Laura (01:47)
No.
Yeah, that's right. My second family, yeah. Yes.
Fallon Cook (02:14)
As I've harped on about a lot, we've been renovating this year and it has just been, it's just been a hard year for lots of different reasons that I won't go into on the podcast. It's just been really, really tough. ⁓ but for the first time in something like 25 years, I'm going to see both my mom and my dad on Christmas day. I feel like a little kid again, but, yeah, my mom and her husband will be down and my dad is coming down. He lives up North. ⁓ and yeah, I never see him.
Dr Laura (02:32)
⁓ Amazing!
Mm-hmm.
Fallon Cook (02:43)
Christmas time. And then we've got like my husband's parents will be coming over on Christmas Day and then after Christmas my sister-in-law and all of her kids and a few extras are coming down from Sydney. So it's just gonna be like a house full of people and I'm just I'm so here for it like to have a big family Christmas and we finally have you know a little bit more space to be able to do that. So I'm so looking forward to it. It feels like it's gonna be this nice way of kind of
Dr Laura (02:56)
⁓ my goodness. Yes.
Yes.
Mmm.
Fallon Cook (03:11)
marking the end of what was a very chaotic year. And then when everyone goes home, our bellies are full, Christmas is, you know, we're packing away the lights. It'll be like, okay, now I'm ready to step into a whole new chapter, you know, and to go into a new year feeling like it's, we're just ready for a new start. And I'm sure there are plenty of our listeners who feel the same. You know, sometimes Christmas is just a great way of marking the end of one sort of, ⁓
Dr Laura (03:14)
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Fallon Cook (03:39)
episode of life, I suppose. And then just heading off into the new one, what will hopefully be a bloody brilliant year. We've got some big plans. ⁓ I'm pumped for it. Yeah.
Dr Laura (03:40)
Mmm.
Yes, let's hope so. We have. Yeah. Yes. I think you're
going to need a long lie down after all of those people have been to stay, Fallon.
Fallon Cook (03:54)
Yeah,
yeah, you'll find me locked in a dark room with my noise cancelling headphones on for probably a few days. ⁓ There will be a recovery required, but that's all right. I'll have time to recover. Because yeah, you and I were both taking a couple of weeks off our clinic work over Christmas. ⁓ But for those of you who, know, where that strikes fear into your heart, fear not because beautiful, amazing Lauren, one of our
Dr Laura (03:59)
Ha!
you
Yes, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Fallon Cook (04:22)
most incredible sleep practitioners is going to still be working some hours over Christmas and New Year. So she's there to support you. She can always read over our notes and catch up on what you've been up to. And we know that you will absolutely love her if you haven't already met her. So we are still around ⁓ just in a little bit of a reduced capacity ⁓ over that time. Because yeah, we've got to rest. We've got to rest so that we're ready to take on another couple thousand families in the clinic next year.
Dr Laura (04:27)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
That's right. Yeah, so we have to get our rest so that we can regain some equilibrium so we can carry on supporting everyone as much as they need. thank you all for being patient with us as we do take that break. But we will be recording one more podcast before Christmas. So this isn't the last one. And yeah, we might say something more about that at the end.
Fallon Cook (04:52)
You
Yeah.
Hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yep. Yep.
Let's do that. Well, in our last episode, we talked about the importance of having a set wake up time and we did a bit of a call out for people to send in their hacks for how they cope with having an early morning wake up time. And I loved this one sent in by Jill. So thanks so much for sharing Jill. And this one, this just like speaks to my heart. I love this. I'm actually going to do this over summer too Jill. So thank you for that.
Dr Laura (05:23)
Mm-hmm.
you
Fallon Cook (05:42)
⁓ Jill says, I enjoyed listening to your most recent episode and encouraged me to share a tip that helped with our son's early 6am wake up time. She says a quick coffee as he wakes up was a game changer. She says, for those who have an espresso machine, make your espresso shot the night before and store it in the fridge for the next morning. So then all you have to do is pop in some cold water or milk or any sweeteners or ice.
Dr Laura (05:54)
Mmm.
Fallon Cook (06:07)
And you've got this awesome caffeinated beverage. I love this idea, especially after those hot summer nights where you kind of wake up feeling a bit parched. It's brilliant. So thank you, Jill. I'm totally doing this. Are you going to do it, Laura?
Dr Laura (06:13)
Yes, yes, it is brilliant.
Yeah, I think I am. It sounds great. I am getting a one of those ninja smoothie machines as a as a family gift. I don't know if you've seen them. Not this. My son wants a slushy one, but I'm not getting a slushy machine. So there's a smoothie machine we drink a lot of smoothies. It's a good way of getting some
Fallon Cook (06:29)
⁓ cool.
You
Dr Laura (06:42)
and even some spinach and whatnot. But anyway, I'm thinking, yeah, this will be great with some ice cubes. I will put that in my new ninja smoothie machine.
Fallon Cook (06:45)
Yep.
Yeah. You have to send me a photo of
you sipping your frappe on a hot summer morning. It'd a bit different from the, um, yeah, the mornings this time of year back in England where you probably would not want a frozen drink. Bit of a contrast. So thanks so much, Jill, for sharing that. I love it. I'm definitely going to be doing that. Um, but this week for our episode, we really wanted to dive into 10.
Dr Laura (06:56)
Yes! Yeah, I will.
yes! Absolutely not, no.
Fallon Cook (07:18)
tips we have for new parents, parents of babies and toddlers for just having a really bloody excellent Christmas with your little one. Because I feel like there have been some learning moments for both you and I, Laura, as we've navigated Christmas back when our little ones were very, very little, even through through to now, because Christmas really changes when you have a baby or a toddler. And I just was like, yeah, there's a few little tips I reckon were gold and that I wish I'd known sooner. So
Dr Laura (07:25)
Mm-hmm.
Mmm.
Fallon Cook (07:47)
I reckon we dive in. Let's go through Laura. What's number one.
Dr Laura (07:50)
Yeah.
Okay. So number one is don't sweat the small stuff. So routines are highly likely to get a bit wobbly. Bedtime and wake up will be a little bit all over the place. Naps won't happen at the same time as they normally happen. Your little one, even just a small baby is going to be picking up on all of the excitement and all of the hustle and bustle of the festive season.
Fallon Cook (08:11)
Mmm.
Dr Laura (08:15)
And so that will just put them a little bit out of whack, particularly when they're a bit of a FOMO baby, because hey, who wants to nap when granny and grandpa are just coming through the door or aunties down from Queensland visiting? So yeah.
Fallon Cook (08:25)
Yes.
Exactly. I've had a few parents
reach out saying, so if we have our Christmas lunch right on midday and our naps normally at 1230, should we, should we make a lunch a little early so they can get to it? And I'm just like, don't worry about it. Just, it's one day. It's going to be okay. Take a breath. Doesn't matter if it doesn't go perfectly to plan. I've had Christmas lunches with a baby sleeping on my lap. it doesn't matter. It's just one day. Yeah. Yeah. Give yourself that get out of jail free card. Yeah.
Dr Laura (08:38)
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yes. Doesn't matter. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah,
what's your second tip Fallon?
Fallon Cook (09:00)
Oh, this is one of my favorite ones, Laura. Don't host Christmas lunch. Okay. If you've got a baby or a toddler, no, you got to say no. Sorry, we're not hosting this year. You ask somebody else to host or go and book in. There are a lot of pubs and RSLs that do Christmas lunches as well. Um, you, but if you, someone else in your family is able to host, say yes and say, yep, we're going to pick up the drinks or the bread or the dips and the crackers or the
Dr Laura (09:17)
Mm-hmm.
Fallon Cook (09:28)
have a lover or whatever, just turn up with something if you can. It's so much easier just not having people come to your house. So yeah, that's my tip. I swear by it. It's what we usually do. Definitely not doing it this year, but often we do.
Dr Laura (09:28)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
No.
So then that takes us on to the third tip, which is if you have to host, think about slow cooking any meat that you're having the night before. Do as much prep as you can ⁓ in the days leading up to Christmas. I've been following some ⁓
Fallon Cook (09:55)
Yes.
Dr Laura (10:03)
people on TikTok and Instagram who are showing really fabulous ways of things that you can prep beforehand. I never even realized you could do. So, know, parboil those carrots and parsnips beforehand, ⁓ freeze them, and then you can stick them in the ⁓ oven from frozen to roast them, all sorts of things like that. So I'm sure that our listeners will be having their algorithms filling up with Christmas hacks as well.
Fallon Cook (10:12)
Yeah.
love that.
Yes.
Yes.
Dr Laura (10:30)
But really what we want you to be doing is avoiding as much work in the morning of Christmas as possible so that you can just be enjoying the opening presents sitting around the tree and family time.
Fallon Cook (10:43)
Yes.
That is one of my favorite hacks. Every year I put on a leg of lamb in the slow cooker that goes overnight. And one of my other reasons for doing this is just that slow cooked meat is so tender that no matter the age of your guests, they can manage it. Whether they are a toddler or you know, a six month old or a 96 year old. Like it suits everyone and it's delicious. And then you just, it's just something you're not thinking about. You wake up in the morning, your house smells divine. So yeah, I do that one every year.
Dr Laura (11:00)
Yes.
Mmm, yes!
Yes.
Fallon Cook (11:14)
It's always, always a winner. The next one, tip number four, use a carrier if you and your little one enjoy it. This is one I would never have done. I hated having mine in a carrier. So it's just like, it's too sweaty and sticky and no, no, not for me, but.
Dr Laura (11:19)
Mm-hmm.
so funny where one of mine
had to be in the carrier the whole time. just absolutely hated the pram. She had to be on me the whole time. And this was how I got through.
Fallon Cook (11:36)
There you go.
⁓ god, okay.
Yeah, that, and that's it. Like even though it wasn't for me, it doesn't mean it's not for you. Having your hands free ⁓ is so handy when you're managing a lot on Christmas Day. But also, you know, sometimes you have those relatives or friends who just want to constantly be in your baby's face or touching them or holding them or whatever. If they're in the carrier, it just kind of prevents those sorts of interactions that might not be wanted from either you or your baby.
Dr Laura (11:49)
Yeah.
Mmm.
Fallon Cook (12:11)
⁓ and
Dr Laura (12:11)
Yeah.
Fallon Cook (12:12)
like so many babies, they get passed around like pass the parcel at Christmas time, and that can just get really overstimulating and make them cranky. So if, you know, using the carrier is going to help with that. Absolutely go for it. ⁓ what's tip number five, Laura.
Dr Laura (12:16)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Tip number five. So if you're traveling, start practicing with the portico now, if you can. So think about having naps in the portico just so that they can start practicing. If you're feeling a bit braver, you could attempt a nighttime sleep in the portico as well. What we want is for that to be a familiar place for your baby or toddler.
Fallon Cook (12:32)
Yes.
Dr Laura (12:51)
before you have to use it for real the first time. So practice if you can. Also pick out blackout blinds that you can take with you. So there are portable ones that you can get from all different types of, I was gonna say, all reputable bookshops, not bookshops. But yeah, your Kmart and your baby bunting type places, or we've got ours linked for the sleepy Sundays in Sombelle.
Fallon Cook (12:56)
Yeah.
Hahaha
you
Mmm.
Dr Laura (13:20)
They're really, really great. And think about having a portable white noise machine if you use white noise and just gathering up things that are going to help you replicate that bedroom environment wherever you are spending Christmas. That will just help it feel a little bit more familiar to your baby.
Fallon Cook (13:37)
Hmm.
Yeah. And if they
sleep, you know, okay-ish when you're traveling, what a difference that makes to everybody's mood. You know, it's, it's massive. Well, tip number six. No, six, we're under six already. ⁓ I love this one. And I know there are a lot of parents who are gearing up for that kind of stretch between Christmas day and new year. Well, often we've got two parents home or extra family support around us, but that
Dr Laura (13:46)
⁓ for sure yeah okay tip number five ⁓ six yeah sorry yeah ⁓
Mmm.
Fallon Cook (14:07)
Period of time is the perfect time to jump in and make changes to sleep and settling. So if you're thinking, all right, we're going to make some changes, you've probably already flagged that time as being when you're to do them. I know everyone I'm meeting in clinics going, yeah, we love this plan. We're going to start it after Christmas when we've got that support around us and not the stress of work and everything else. Having just, you know, being able to go to ground for a few days, you don't have to be out and about a lot.
Dr Laura (14:22)
Yes, that's right, yeah.
Yes.
Fallon Cook (14:32)
You've got that extra support. really is the perfect time to make those changes. So have a think now about what is it you'd like to change before you head off into the new year? What's going to improve your sleep and their sleep? ⁓ and if you can come up with a clear plan now, then the minute, you know, you pack up all the tinsel and the wrapping paper, you can dive into that plan. A few days later, you should see some good improvements in sleep. So yeah.
Dr Laura (14:40)
Mmm.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, and what a great new
year present to yourselves to go into the new year with a baby that is, you know, has a more stable, predictable daily rhythm and settles in the way that you'd prefer them to settle. Hmm. Yeah.
Fallon Cook (14:59)
Yes.
⁓ Game changer, absolute game
changer. Yeah, for sure.
Dr Laura (15:14)
So tip number seven. So this one is about tuning into your little ones comfort levels and not being afraid to adapt their environment to suit them rather than all of those people around them. So, you know, thinking about a household that's full of family and friends, can be like we've mentioned before, it can be a little bit overstimulating and some babies just do not like being passed around and
some toddlers don't like to be hugged or go to sit on somebody's knee or give kisses when they don't want to give kisses. So this is a time for you to begin very early some kind of bodily autonomy and consent for your little one and asking your toddler if they just want to give high fives, for example, rather than cuddling. And even if they don't want to do that on the day, just saying to them, that's OK.
Fallon Cook (15:59)
Mm.
Dr Laura (16:11)
You don't have to, that is just teaching your child that they deserve to have their needs respected. And you can remove them from the situations that they don't like. For example, you can take them into a different area of the house you're at or to a different area of the park and just sit quietly and have a cuddle. And that just helps them learn that their voice is important, their voice matters. And your...
responsibility now as a parent for the first time is to advocate for your little baby or toddler. And it's an important job to kind of just step into ⁓ and know that it's okay. And your little one is the most important one at Christmas, not grandpa's feelings or uncle Derek's feelings.
Fallon Cook (16:47)
Yes.
Yes.
⁓ a hundred
percent. I remember in the early days, a couple of times seeing my firstborn passed around and thinking, I know he's had enough of this, but I don't want to disappoint anyone. They've waited all year to meet him and then just going, are you kidding me? Fallon, come on, like go get him. So I did like, and that's what you've got to do as a parent. It's all about the kid, not about anybody else's feelings. The next one is my favorite one. Tip number eight.
Dr Laura (17:14)
Mmm. Yeah. Yeah.
Mmm.
No. ⁓
Fallon Cook (17:31)
Make sure your partner is partnering. Not that you should have to be responsible for that, but if they're
not, it's time to crack the whip. What I would say is, you know, we go into partnerships expecting a partnership and so often we feel a bit let down, especially at Christmas time. Be really clear about expectations ahead of the big day. I really recommend sitting down together, writing out a list of what are all the big tasks? What are the things on your mind that you're worrying about?
Dr Laura (17:39)
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Fallon Cook (17:59)
And then delegating those tasks so that it is equal and fair. so everybody gets to have a good day. Um, and you're not just carrying all the work. If you're stressed about certain things, talk about it with your partner. Um, and I think this is just so important. My husband said to me the other day, what do you want for Christmas? And I was like, well, nothing, cause we just renovated. Unless you're to give me a twig from the garden. Don't think we can afford it. But I said to him, I just want to fully equally share.
Dr Laura (17:59)
Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
Fallon Cook (18:28)
all the responsibility of Christmas day. And I want to feel like we're working together for everybody to have a great Christmas. And that's what I want to do. I want to sit down and make sure we really plan this out so that everybody has a good time. Cause what better Christmas gift is there than that? Really? That's what we want is yeah. Yeah. Probably do I like a new year's random at all the ways I did too much. And that's when I filed for divorce.
Dr Laura (18:33)
Mm.
Yeah, that's amazing, let us know how you get on. Good luck.
Yeah, absolutely exhausted and I had to do everything.
Fallon Cook (18:59)
Oh, lucky my poor husband doesn't listen to this. He's all right. I'm just kidding. Anyway. Um, yeah. So definitely have those conversations now. There's it's cracking, cracking it on Christmas day. Um, is not fun. No one can recover quickly enough. No one's emotions can recover quickly enough. Think about it ahead of time. What's going to piss you off and get a plan in place. Um, and delegate. Yeah.
Dr Laura (19:03)
⁓ He's alright, yeah.
No. No.
Yes,
well, which takes us on to point number or tip number nine, which is delegating any roles that you can to extended family who are visiting. Oftentimes, ⁓ we forget that it can be just as discombobulating to visiting family to be in your home as it is for you to have lots of people in your home. And ⁓
Fallon Cook (19:35)
Mmm.
Dr Laura (19:50)
giving people something to do just makes them feel wanted, needed, and stop some feeling a little bit awkward, perhaps. So can granddad set up the porticoat? Can your siblings be on bottle prep or cleaning the bottles? Can someone put a load of washing on? Washing still has to be done, particularly when you've got babies and toddlers pooing and spewing.
Fallon Cook (19:55)
Hmm.
Mmm.
Dr Laura (20:18)
Can someone take a load of washing and hang it out? Yeah, so, or can somebody play with your toddler whilst you look after, whilst you go and pop the baby down for a nap, for example. It's gonna help your extended family feel wanted and needed and useful on Christmas day. And you can say, hey, this would be a really wonderful present for me if you can go and help me in this way. And most people are feeling their most generous at Christmas.
Fallon Cook (20:24)
Mmm.
Yeah.
Dr Laura (20:47)
So tap into that.
Fallon Cook (20:49)
Yes. And I think as well, let them struggle. You know, if you say, can you go set up the portico and they spend an hour just pulling their hair out, like how the hell do I just let them struggle? whatever task it is, if it's not a, you know, really important one, let them struggle with it a little bit, because this is your chance to show your family that yeah, parenting is really hard. Like it's really hard to juggle all of this. I've given you this one little task and yet it's a bit tricky.
Dr Laura (20:58)
You
Mm.
Fallon Cook (21:17)
Isn't this a challenging role? Cause I think sometimes extended families, especially when they're older, they have forgotten how hard it is to juggle all of these things. ⁓ so I'm, yeah, I'm a big fan of that. Give them a task. And if they don't really know how to do it, well, they can always come and ask you for help, but let them go and try and figure it out. I don't know. I'm a fan of that. Cause I think so often as parents, we feel like the older people around us often don't quite get how challenging parenting is in this day and age. ⁓
Dr Laura (21:23)
Hmm. ⁓
Yeah. Yeah.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Fallon Cook (21:44)
And so if they've got it, yeah, if they're like, how on earth do I work this bottle sterilizer? Let them go and try and figure it out.
Dr Laura (21:50)
Yeah, within safe limits.
Fallon Cook (21:53)
Yeah, and then check they did it properly. ⁓
Dr Laura (21:55)
Yes.
So Fallon, what's the last tip? What's the last tip of our 10?
Fallon Cook (21:59)
⁓ all right. Yes. Tip number 10. And I really
like this one. I think this is important. It's about that big shift we all go through when we start to have Christmas with our own babies. It's sometimes we have to accept that Christmas might just feel very, very different to how it used to feel. So often when we have babies, suddenly we're having to, we've got all these families, know, family members who want to see us all on one day. It's impossible.
Christmas might now be split across multiple days over a two or three week period. That's totally fine. You might be feeling a lot of pressure because suddenly, you know, as the parent, you're in charge of creating all of that wonderful Christmas magic, you know, and that's actually a lot of hard work creating this magical Christmas for our little ones. And I think as well, so often parents will say that they feel a bit disappointed that they're...
Dr Laura (22:26)
Mm.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
You
Yes.
Fallon Cook (22:53)
Christmas traditions of their in-laws don't match their own. And I felt this as well as a new parent, the way my husband's family does Christmas is very different to how my family does Christmas. We're a very overexcitable bunch when it comes to Christmas. My husband's family is not so overexcited at Christmas time. That was a bit like, whoa, at first, like, this is a very different experience.
Dr Laura (22:57)
you
Mmm.
Yeah.
Mmm.
Fallon Cook (23:17)
Just know that you're now making your own version of Christmas that your children carry forward and you can make that look however you want. You can take your favorite family traditions and your husband's favorite ones and get rid of some crappy, weird ones. like not being let open presents until after dinner. Like that's a, that's a rubbish. ⁓ well, I you've left that far behind. It's horrible. Yeah. So if there is something like that, we like, no, that's horrible. And look, there'll be people who say, no, we love doing it that way.
Dr Laura (23:33)
⁓ that's what my Christmas used to be like when ⁓ yeah I had that yeah that one has been left.
Yeah.
Fallon Cook (23:47)
That's fine, of course, but yeah, you get to be in the driver's seat and you can create whatever magical Christmas tradition you want to going forward. So pick and choose what you love.
Dr Laura (23:48)
Whatever works for you, yeah.
Yeah, and it's such a privilege, so privileged to be able
to do this. And I got a my daughter sent me a lovely Instagram reel the other day that said, when you realize that all of that Christmas magic was down to your mum. And I was like, ⁓ yeah, because you do create the first few Christmases that you're finding your feet as a new parent. And then you really get into it. And you start to
Fallon Cook (24:13)
Yeah.
Dr Laura (24:26)
work out which things work for your family, which things don't. ⁓ And some of the traditions aren't going to, if you've only got a little baby, you're not going to have loads of traditions yet. It might not be until they're a bit older that you realize that doing building gingerbread houses is something that you do every year, or reading a bedtime story from a particular Christmas book is something that you do every year. And
Fallon Cook (24:50)
Mm.
Dr Laura (24:52)
then before you know it, your children are asking for those things. And it might be something like little and inconsequential that you didn't really think was a big deal. And then they decide that they love that. And so that does become something that you do every year. And just enjoy it, embrace it and make it your own.
Fallon Cook (25:06)
Mmm.
Yeah, 100%. And I hope that all of these tips apply to anyone of any religion celebrating any occasion. And I should have started by saying that not everybody celebrates Christmas, but you know, no matter ⁓ what your background is, there are probably big events in your family that you do celebrate. And I hope that these tips you can apply to your own situations, whatever they might be. But yeah, just have, a bloody great Christmas. ⁓
Dr Laura (25:23)
Mmm.
Yeah.
Fallon Cook (25:40)
All right.
We have the most astonishing number of parent questions to get through. We have 16 questions to get through in this episode. So we are going to be flying through these. You might get the quick answer, not the most comprehensive answer, but if you're needing more support, please book in for a coaching call. Cause there are a lot of questions have come through and I think, that's a real meaty one. ⁓ and it is hard to do it justice.
Dr Laura (25:44)
Yes. Yeah.
Mmm.
Fallon Cook (26:03)
But
Dr Laura (26:03)
Yeah.
Fallon Cook (26:04)
let's start with Emma G. So Emma G has a six month old with a 12 and a half hour sleep need. They have three 30 minute naps a day and fall asleep easily being held before being transferred to the cot. She has three questions. The first is, how do you know when to unlatch when feeding at night to work or not feeding to sleep? He seems to still have a strong sucking and swallowing.
⁓ Not as much at the start but still strong and she says if I try to take him off he gets very upset which is hard as I have a toddler in the next room that I don't want to disturb. Do we want to go through one question at a time? Should I read out the other two?
Dr Laura (26:42)
Yeah, let's
yeah. So I think, Emma, I'd be looking at how long the average sleep, the average feed is sorry. So you know, if your baby is taking, I don't know, six minutes to, to feed, I would start to unlatch them at maybe five minutes. ⁓ And, or, you know, five and a half, so that you can start to build in the unlatching. ⁓
Fallon Cook (26:51)
Mmm.
Dr Laura (27:11)
that way. I think that's probably going to be your best bet. Forewarn your toddler that your baby brother or sister is going to be a bit noisy overnight. But if we just start to unlatch just a tiny bit earlier, your baby shouldn't be upset quite as loudly as they might otherwise be.
Fallon Cook (27:36)
Good
and she asks when things start, when do things start to settle at night? Most nights he wakes twice for a feed and when teething it can be three times and if it's really bad night it's four times.
Dr Laura (27:49)
Mm. Well,
it's a $64,000 question. Emma, when do things start to settle at night? Because sleep goes up and down. I would say that once you start to introduce some solid food in the day, you'll probably notice that the number of times that he wakes overnight for a feed will start to reduce. General rule of thumb, once on three meals a day, weight gain is fine, then
Fallon Cook (27:54)
You
Dr Laura (28:18)
they no longer need to feed overnight. So if he mostly is waking twice for a feed, I would be looking at perhaps stabilizing it at twice ⁓ and then offering just lots of cuddles and make sure you're giving pain relief overnight if you think that he's teething rather than that extra feed. And then starting to reduce down to one feed when you're ready and then drop that one.
whenever you feel ready, but there's no hurry. But things should start to settle down once solids are ⁓ introduced, but ⁓ it does take a bit of a concerted effort for some babies.
Fallon Cook (28:58)
Hmm.
it and sometimes
if there's any feeds offered overnight if there's a little bump in the road, a bit of pain or whatever they just go right I just want that all the time and it's really hard but once they start feeding less at night it gets a lot easier. This next question I think is almost impossible to answer Laura but is it normal for wind or tummy pain to wake a six month old? I don't know if I'm imagining it or not but some nights I feel like this is what's waking him.
Dr Laura (29:09)
Yeah.
Mm.
Mmm.
Yeah, look, it's hard. It is hard to tell. If your child has allergies or intolerances, or any kind of ⁓ underlying medical condition, then of course pain will wake them overnight. ⁓ If nothing like that is happening for you, Emma, look, again, it's just, yeah, it's hard to say. Some parents feel that they can really tell the difference between a, just a protest cry and a pain cry. If you really feel like your child's in pain, it's going to be very hard for you to...
Fallon Cook (29:43)
Hmm.
Dr Laura (29:53)
persist with any kind of cot settling because your gut reaction will be and which is right, which is to give him lots of comfort and support through that pain overnight. yeah, yeah, would you have anything else to add, Val and it's just a tricky one.
Fallon Cook (30:12)
No, yeah,
look, I would say if there's no signs of tummy upset in nappies. So if you've got no mucus, no blood, nappies are really normal. There's probably not tummy pain. ⁓ and wind, you know, lot of cultures don't even burp their babies and their babies are fine. So I wouldn't be so worried about that. It's probably going to be, ⁓ other factors waking your baby, like they fell asleep, feeding or sleep pressure's a bit low. ⁓
Dr Laura (30:40)
Yeah.
Fallon Cook (30:41)
Yeah, all right, should we move on to Millie? Do you want to read this one out?
Dr Laura (30:43)
Good. Yeah, Millie.
Yeah, so Millie has a 13 month old who has been for the most part a good sleeper. At 12 months he started having split nights which resolved when Millie changed his daily rhythm to allow for 12 hours of sleep rather than the previous 13 hours. But now the split nights have returned. His sleep, average sleep duration has reduced to 11 and a half hours for the last week or two.
He'll be upset for prolonged periods overnight, but he has no issue falling asleep for his day nap. ⁓ And she says that they have a really tired boy when they wake him at the end of his nap. So Millie wants to know, it normal for sleep needs to be dropping like this so quickly, or could there be something else going on, for example, teething?
Fallon Cook (31:32)
Hmm. If you're worried about teething off a pain relief, does it change anything? So if nothing changes, you've got your answer. It wasn't pain. If things do change, they cheer up. Well, you know that it was, so we can answer that one pretty quickly with bit of experimenting. Yes, sleep needs can absolutely drop off a cliff really, really quickly. So it's entirely possible that their sleep needs have just simply dropped and you need to adapt things again, because split nights are always about something up with the daily rhythm.
Dr Laura (31:36)
Hmm.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Hmm.
Mmm.
Fallon Cook (32:01)
He's tired at the end of his nap. Yeah. If he's having a split night, he's going to go looking for extra day sleep to make up for that. So often when we go to wake them up, which is the right thing to do, we want to wake them up, get them back on track and close those split nights. They're going to be tired and grumpy because they were trying to catch up and you're not letting them. But does he recover pretty quickly? You know, is he pretty quickly back to his normal cheerful self?
Dr Laura (32:09)
Yeah.
Mmm.
Yes.
Fallon Cook (32:24)
⁓ so I would, think Millie's absolutely on the right track. She's done a great job of adjusting that daily rhythm. It sounds like it just needs a bit of adjusting again, but just remember it takes a full week on a new daily rhythm to really know how it impacts nights and how it impacts mood as well. ⁓ make those changes, stick with it and see how you go. ⁓ would you add anything to that, Laura?
Dr Laura (32:24)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Mm.
Now, just to do your best to make sure that the nap is the length of sleep cycles. So, you know, if he is taking more than half an hour to warm up after a nap, then think about, you know, has a sleep cycle length changed? And do you need to adjust the length of that nap so that it more closely matches the sleep cycle, you know, one, two or three, depending on how many your little one is on?
Fallon Cook (32:53)
Mmm.
Yep, good advice. Alright, Georgia wrote in, Georgia would like to know if we have any tips for changing the primary caregiver who does the final settle. She says she's always done it for her son who is now two years and three months old, but is now pregnant with her second baby during two and a half months. They've tried to get his dad to do the final settle in the past, but it results in a big tantrum and my son calling out for mum.
Dr Laura (33:15)
Okay.
Fallon Cook (33:40)
Do you have any tips for making this settling transition easier on my son?
Dr Laura (33:44)
Well, first of all, congratulations on your pregnancy, Georgia. I hope that it doesn't get too hot in the coming months, you're not in New South Wales at the moment where it's stinking hot, because that would be really uncomfortable when you're heavily pregnant. Now, what it will come down to is persistence and consistency with your toddler, Georgia. So what
Fallon Cook (33:58)
you
Dr Laura (34:09)
perhaps may have happened in the past is your toddler saw that if they have a really big show of emotions, a really big tantrum, then you will come in and take over from dad. So I'm not sure when it was that you last did that, but I wouldn't let it put you off starting again. I know in your longer email, you described how your
partner is fully involved right up until the last moment where he then leaves the room and you do the final part of popping him down into the cot. So I would say that you've got two and a half months now before baby number two is due. Think about you saying good night to him walking out of the room, dad stays in the room with him. And if you need to go for a walk around the block, Georgia, you go for a walk around the block so that you're out of the house.
And then ⁓ your partner can ⁓ just pick one consistent way to stay calm, to reassure your son and he loves him just as much as you do. And when your ⁓ son sees that dad just stays calm, you don't come back into the room and he's still having all that loving support from dad. ⁓ It normally takes maybe two nights, perhaps three of
⁓ a bit of big emotions before they adjust. ⁓ And each night just for your own peace of mind, just, you know, if you can go leave the house, if you can't listen to some music to keep yourself calm ⁓ and stay out of the way so you don't reinforce the crying and tantruming behavior by coming in ⁓ after a period of time. ⁓
Fallon Cook (35:36)
Hmm.
Yeah.
Dr Laura (35:55)
And
⁓ yeah, pour a glass of wine for you and your partner afterwards. Yeah.
Fallon Cook (35:59)
Yeah, it's really, really tough, isn't it? But I think
just keep in mind that he's not scared. He's not worried. He knows that he's safe. He knows that he's loved. He's just having very big emotions, very big preferences about that change. But it is easier to weather this storm and get through this storm now than when a new baby has arrived because that is such a big tumultuous event in the life of a little kid. ⁓
Dr Laura (36:12)
Yeah.
Mmm.
Yes.
Yeah.
Fallon Cook (36:28)
much easier
to navigate that now and just, yeah, get it done. ⁓ Yeah, excellent.
Dr Laura (36:34)
Yeah.
Okay, Angela has written in. She's recently had a baby. She also has a 17 month old and a 33 month old. So who's turning three at the end of February. So wow, well done, Angela. That's a lot. You're gonna have a really busy Christmas. So Angela says, they usually do the lunchtime nap on the go. But now her nearly three year old refuses to nap in the cot on the days that they are at home.
Fallon Cook (36:54)
Yeah.
Dr Laura (37:04)
when she was in hospital having the baby, he refused the nap altogether for the first time ever and was fine. Angela wants to know whether we think he's too young to drop that nap completely. I think that's a quick answer. Yeah. Next.
Fallon Cook (37:16)
Nope, not at all. Yeah. Next. No. Yeah. No. Like if
he was fine, then he's absolutely ready for it. And I'm sure Angela's thinking, no, it would have been really nice to have all three napping at the same time. Sometimes we just don't get a say in these things though. And it's likely his nights will be much better without that day nap if he's doing really well without it. So definitely not too young. you know, toddlers can drop their nap at two or even a bit before two. ⁓ it's all very highly variable. So.
Dr Laura (37:26)
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah, I would and use that time Angela to have some beautiful one-on-one time that you wouldn't normally have with your three-year-old. So think about having some activities that adjust you and him and that would be really special for the whole family. Yeah.
Fallon Cook (37:46)
Yeah, I would go for it. ⁓
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, definitely.
All right. Katie wrote in, she says, thank you for all the advice you've given me over the past nine months. I've been a Sombelle member since my daughter was three months old and she has recently turned one. My daughter has had many quirky sleep behaviors and your advice has always provided us with much reassurance and direction on where to head next. that's lovely. Thank you, Katie. Love hearing that. ⁓
Dr Laura (38:27)
Yeah, thank you.
Fallon Cook (38:30)
So
Katie says her daughter recently dropped from one nap on her. She recently dropped to one nap on her own. Sometimes my brain just doesn't read these things properly. So she's dropped to one nap on her own. She was previously doing two 30 minute naps. She now naps for 45 to 60 minutes and sleeps from 7.30 PM to 6.30 AM.
Dr Laura (38:39)
Hahaha
Ha ha.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Fallon Cook (38:55)
And this worked well at first, but after five days she seems exhausted. This morning she didn't want to get up at 6.30, though once awake she was happy during the day. By 3pm she was quite unsettled and appeared very tired and needed a lot of distraction. She drank a bottle at 5pm and briefly fell asleep, but I woke her to avoid a late nap that would push bedtime too late. By 6.45pm she could not stay awake any longer and was very upset so we put her to bed.
Do you have any advice on whether to keep persevering with this new schedule or where to adjust things?
Dr Laura (39:28)
Okay, Katie, yeah, this is a case of the decision being taken out of our hands as parents. So your one year old has made that decision to move to one map. And I suspect come hell or high water, you're not going to be able to reintroduce the second map. So we simply have to go with it. And you're just part way through that the first week of doing this. So it, as we often say, it takes
roughly a week for ⁓ the circadian rhythm to adapt to a new schedule. So you're probably just right at the pointy end of this. And by popping her to bed a little bit earlier, because you just couldn't keep her up any longer, that's a perfectly appropriate thing to do. Some parents will offer a little power nap in the afternoon instead to try and keep the bedtime on track. But others,
just bring bedtime a little bit earlier. So that's absolutely fine. I would continue on offering her the one nap for about an hour and, you know, temporarily bringing bedtime a bit earlier is often a good way forward. So, you know, even just saying, look, bedtime is going to be at seven rather than 7.30 and then just shuffling bedtime later by five to 10 minutes every few nights over the next
week or two until it's closer to 7.30 and she'll then should adapt and be coping much better. So hang in there Katie, bring bedtime a little bit earlier temporarily but just stick with the one nap for now. Did you have anything else?
Fallon Cook (41:15)
Hmm, I think that is No,
I think that's a really good advice You might notice I've been distracted my friends been buzzing like crazy because my children have a lot of questions about how to make two-minute noodles And I'm just like no don't do it. No cooking while I'm not there So I'm just managing my parenting duties to the side of the screen. So sorry about all the Gosh
Dr Laura (41:36)
⁓ god that's okay. One of
my rules with my kids I'm always saying, if I have to just pop out to the post box or something I just I shout over my shoulder, don't play with matches!
Fallon Cook (41:50)
I always say that. No cooking and don't do drugs. And they think that's hilarious.
⁓ All right, let's move on to, is it my turn to read out a question or yours?
Dr Laura (41:57)
⁓ god.
Yeah, I think
I'm gonna read out a question from Nicole. So Nicole has a question about her six month old's daily rhythm. So he's been a catnapper, always been a catnapper, and will only sleep for about 35 minutes at a time, even if he's held. He has a 13 hour sleep need and settles in his cot at night, waking just twice for feeds. Two weeks ago, he transitioned to three naps from four, which unfortunately continue to be catnaps.
Fallon Cook (42:06)
Okay, cool.
Dr Laura (42:32)
I think Nicole was hoping that maybe one of them would lengthen. Wake up is at 6.30, but due to their work life bedtime varies between seven and eight. He is incredibly cranky throughout the day. In fact, Nicole had said it can be torture in her longer email. that's yeah, that's really hard for you all. So Nicole wants to know how to increase the length of one or two of the day naps. So he isn't as cranky during the day.
Fallon Cook (42:36)
Mmm.
Dr Laura (43:02)
and ideally have a 7.30 bedtime. What do you reckon, Valen? ⁓
Fallon Cook (43:07)
⁓ right. So
look, I mean, on, I usually will say there's nothing wrong with cat naps. still really good. ⁓ they're still sleep, but if he's really, really cranky and you're just having the worst time ever, you know, and you really want to try and push to get a longer day nap, the keys are going to be making sure sleep pressure is high enough. So is he awake long enough that he's actually got the sleep pressure there to do a longer nap?
And can he completely self settle because he needs to be able to link those sleep cycles. So, ⁓ I'd be making sure with those two feeds overnight, is he putting himself back to sleep after those feeds? Obviously this isn't everybody's priority. There'll be people listening going, I don't want to do that. You don't have to, but if you're desperate for a longer day nap, you need to absolutely nail self settling. You want that room.
Dr Laura (43:38)
Hmm.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Fallon Cook (43:55)
pitch black in the daytime. So it's as similar to nighttime as possible. Cause at nighttime he is linking sleep cycles. that's where I would really be putting my energy. ⁓ and if you're just not getting, you're not making any headway when parents, I'm always a bit worried when parents say they're just hideously cranky all day. You know, it's really, really hard. ⁓ I would want to be checking in about potential medical factors. Is there any mucus in the poo, any blood in the poo? Are they vomiting a lot? Have they got eczema? ⁓
Dr Laura (44:01)
Mmm.
Hmm.
Fallon Cook (44:24)
What am I forgetting Laura? Snoring, noisy breathing. Yeah. Anything like that could, yeah, yeah. They are the things we want to check in on because there could be something bigger going on there. but yeah, hopefully that gives you something to think about. ⁓ Nicole would just, yeah, in terms of the self settling and, putting some practice into that as well.
Dr Laura (44:25)
Snoring. Yeah. Really restless. Yeah.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Yeah, the other thing to try would be pick one of those naps and see if he naps any longer if he's in the pram, for example, and you just keep walking and see if he stays asleep for two cycles. But I think checking out medical factors super important.
Fallon Cook (44:53)
Yeah.
Mmm.
Yeah,
yep. All right. Emma wrote in and she has an eight month old with an 11 hour sleep need. She says we recently started the quick fade approach and he settles quickly for naps and at the start of the night. He used to be rocked to sleep, but transitions quickly with that approach. His night wakings have reduced to one to two per night. However, he will scream in his cot for an hour or more in the early hours.
Dr Laura (45:20)
Mm-hmm.
Mm.
Fallon Cook (45:30)
and sometimes needs two resets. Sometimes he will cry from 4.30 until wake up time at six. He seems exhausted in the day and is more grisly than he used to be. Wake up is 6 a.m. Bedtime is 8.30 and he naps for an hour and a half to an hour 45 minutes total. Emma says she doesn't feel she can cut any more sleep and wonders if she should switch approaches. Gee, that's interesting, isn't it? Because it's when an approach just isn't working in the middle of the night for such a long time.
Dr Laura (45:55)
you
Fallon Cook (45:59)
It generally is a sleep pressure problem, but what do you think, Laura?
Dr Laura (46:01)
Mm. Yeah,
it is. Do you know, when I first looked at this, was thinking, oh, that's more, you Emma's offering her baby slightly more opportunity than he needs, but I've realised just re-reading it now that she's not, so it's about nine and a half hours overnight and then an hour and a half during the day, which does take up to about 11 hours. What we have to consider is
does as much as we might want our baby to have an 11 hour sleep need if they're a low sleep needs baby. If your child actually does have a lower sleep need than that, so if it is let's say 10 and a half hours or 10, doesn't matter how much we want them to sleep more, they're going to have these split nights. I'm not sure I'm phrasing that quite correctly yet. Yes.
Fallon Cook (46:54)
Yeah, so it's an 11 hour daily rhythm, but if the baby's
just consistently not taking the 11 hours, then it isn't an 11 hour sleep need. which is horrible thing for a parent to hear.
Dr Laura (47:04)
Yes. Yes, yeah, that's right. Which, ⁓ yeah,
and I feel awful saying it, but and I can't and of course, I can't be sure I haven't seen the diary. So but if you are seeing that the diary is showing that it's on average 10 or 10 and a half, despite the 11 hour offering, then your baby
Fallon Cook (47:14)
Mmm.
Dr Laura (47:30)
will need that 10, 10 and a half hours rather than the 11 hours. And then it will continue to wake up a lot overnight, even when they can self settle at the start of the night, because they just, their circadian rhythm knows if you like, that it can be awake for that time in the night. But it sounds absolutely miserable. So my heart goes out to Emma. So yeah, I'm not fully convinced that that is the...
Fallon Cook (47:30)
Mmm.
Mmm.
It does, yeah.
Yeah. And look, I'm looking over it now and she's saying we've recently started quick fame. So chances are they haven't completely got to a self settling either. So it could be that it's worth doing a big push to maybe even switch to the supported accelerated approach, which is much faster acting. ⁓ it might mean that after a couple of nights it's done and he's sleeping through to his wake up time. ⁓
Dr Laura (47:59)
problem. It's certainly, yeah.
yeah, that's true, yeah.
Mmm.
Yes.
Fallon Cook (48:22)
So I definitely do a big push with that too, cause sometimes at 4am sleep pressure is really low. And if you're sitting there padding and shushing, they're just thinking, come on, do something more. And it just keeps them awake. Whereas if we start to just like, maybe you're coming and going from the room in very brief intervals, or you're just not padding constantly. just, you know, like this just might be an adjustment there that really, really pays off. ⁓ but yeah, it's a little bit tricky to unpack this one. And if you need extra support, reach out for a coaching call and we can do a real.
Dr Laura (48:33)
Yes!
Mmm.
Fallon Cook (48:51)
deep dive into it and figure out exactly what needs to be done. Cause yeah, we're definitely guessing a bit ⁓ with the information we've got.
Dr Laura (48:56)
Yeah, we are. Yeah, we are guessing
and Emma, we don't need to be having a really miserable Christmas with those extended overnight wakes. So yeah, do reach out and book in for a coaching call so we can have a proper look for you and try and get things resolved before ⁓ Christmas time. ⁓ Okay, so Emily has written in she's got a seven month old who feeds or is held to sleep.
Fallon Cook (49:07)
Mmm.
Yeah.
Dr Laura (49:23)
after having a really difficult start to life. So in the longer email, I know that Emily's baby was hospitalized, at least on two occasions. So that's really tough. So I'm sorry that you had that experience, Emily, and hope your little one is much better now. So her baby has two to three contact maps a day, capped at two hours total. And Emily has just started using the quick fade at nighttime to reduce the multiple wakeups that he's having.
Emily wants to know how long should she be implementing the quick fade approach for before resorting to feeding or holding back to sleep. And she also wants to know if it's crucial that she has to do use a quick fade for naps as well, because she's really hesitant to stop those contact naps, which she really enjoys. What do you reckon?
Fallon Cook (50:15)
Yeah, these
are tricky situations. I think for parents, it's really important to either go all in or just don't.
Dr Laura (50:17)
Mmm.
Fallon Cook (50:25)
If that makes sense. So look, I would say if, know, if you decide you're going to use quick fade, you use it until they sleep. Because if we use quick fade for 20 minutes and then we hold or feed to sleep babies, especially at that age, are so quick at learning, it's fine. I just need to really like get really, really worked up. And then after a little while, I'll just get held and fed to sleep. And then they're just learning as soon as they take me to the cot, I've just got to escalate to a hundred percent and it doesn't last long. Eventually, you know, I'll be out of that cot again.
Dr Laura (50:25)
Hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Fallon Cook (50:53)
And then that's awful because it's hard. just got a baby who just cries all the time. We're almost kind of training them to cry. saying, yeah, if you cry enough, I'm going to go and do the feed to sleep that you're actually wanting. ⁓ they're not manipulating us. They are just learning. They little scientists. what they do. So I, if you feel comfortable using the quick fade approach and you've decided that cot settling is important to you, commit to it and do it until they fall asleep. And you might have a couple of tricky settles and then it will all get easier.
Dr Laura (50:58)
Mmm.
Mmm.
Yeah. Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Fallon Cook (51:21)
You can do the resets, you can take a break, but you know, go all in if you can. If you are loving contact naps, of course you can keep them, but it's really confusing for a lot of babies. think, sometimes I'm held to sleep and then sometimes I'm not. And I don't know when, you know, either option is going to happen. So again, if cot settling is really important to you, I would say stop the contact naps. You might do some naps in the pram or the car or on the go. ⁓ and then it reduces that confusion, but if it's not.
Dr Laura (51:22)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Fallon Cook (51:50)
Excuse me. If it's not so important to you, if you think I'm just not able to fully commit to making these changes right now, then don't. There just will come a time where you go, okay, I'm really ready for this now. My baby's ready for this now. And then you'll go all in two or three days in, sorted, problem solved. But you've just got to be really ready for it. think sometimes we think we're being kind as parents going, you know, well, we'll try a bit of this. Ooh, no, maybe we won't. maybe we'll try again.
Dr Laura (52:03)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Fallon Cook (52:19)
we're actually confusing babies and then we just get this big escalation in crying, which doesn't help anybody. So just have a think, are you gonna go all in or maybe just give it a bit more time and wait until you're really feeling ready? ⁓ Would you agree with that one? Yeah.
Dr Laura (52:21)
Mmm.
No.
Yeah, I think that's really good advice. Yeah, look, it's really
hard when you have a, you've had, your baby has had such a rough start to life and you yourself have had a rough start to parenting. You're just carrying a different load than other parents who didn't have a similar experience. So we always have to be really cognizant of that and think about what it is that you ⁓
Fallon Cook (52:48)
Mmm.
Dr Laura (52:58)
are going to be capable of changing about your baby's sleep and ⁓ what it is that you're going to park for later. So try not to compare your baby's sleep to other baby's sleep. Not every baby, thankfully, has had to be hospitalized and that your little one has had an entirely different experience from many other babies. if you do feel you want to talk it through, Emily,
Fallon Cook (53:23)
Hmm.
Dr Laura (53:27)
Again, book a coaching call, we can help you decide what to do. And yeah, just support you on this difficult journey that you've been having and help you out the other side.
Fallon Cook (53:40)
Mmm, yep. Good plan.
Dr Laura (53:43)
Okay, I can't remember who we're up to. Is it?
Fallon Cook (53:47)
we are up to our second Emily of the day. Laura, I don't think we're going to make it through all these questions. We might just have to do what we can. You've got an appointment coming up soon and then we might have to cut it a bit short and roll some over to the next, next episode. So let's see how we go. Dive into our second Emily of the day.
Dr Laura (53:50)
Mm. I know.
I've got an appointment yet!
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay,
so Emily's daughter turns three in September. Oh, turned three in September. I was thinking, gosh, that's yeah, wow, that's a long time away. So she's two. Yeah. So she turned three in September. She's still in her cot, but is asking to move to a big girl bed. She still has a bottle of milk in her cot when she goes to sleep, but is now asking for more and more bottles as a stalling behavior. They have been suggesting that they post the bottles to Santa.
Fallon Cook (54:12)
They're really looking ahead to that third birthday.
Dr Laura (54:34)
and in return Santa may bring her a big girl bed. Is this a good idea or not? They think they will have to stay in the room with her to fall asleep if they do move her to a bed and wonder if they are crazy to think about it.
Fallon Cook (54:47)
Oh, a little from column A, a little from column B. So normally I'd be like, keep her in the cot as long as you can. But she's three, you're probably not going to get much longer in the cot. And if she's wanting to lead this, like she's actually asking for it, then she's kind of cognitively there. She's ready for it, but she's will have to understand that it has consequences. So you can't be running in and out of your bedroom and your job is to stay in your bed. Um, my quick answer is I love the story around Santa.
Dr Laura (54:51)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Fallon Cook (55:15)
taking the bottles, maybe he's taking them to the babies at the hospital and then all bottles disappear and she understands they can't come back because they are gone. It's a nice clear, it's a clear story, it's a clear line in the sand that's drawn, you know, there's no more bottles anymore ⁓ and Santa could maybe deliver a little letter that talks about how I'm letting you have a big girl bed but
Dr Laura (55:24)
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
Fallon Cook (55:38)
that comes with responsibilities. means you have to stay in your bed if you need mom or dad or somebody else, you call out, you don't get out of bed. So really explaining that to her ⁓ could be a good way to go. And if that feels overwhelming, just wait, you know, I heard the Easter Bunny's coming back again next year. We can always have a chat with Easter Bunny if we need to.
Dr Laura (55:47)
Love it. Mm. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
And look stalling behaviors are often because sleep pressure is not quite high enough. So just double check that you're not podding her to bed a little bit too early as well because that will... Yeah.
Fallon Cook (56:03)
Mmm.
Yeah, and use a bedtime routine chart. And what I often say to
parents is have one bottle that you decorate with stars and a moon. That's the bedtime bottle. There's only one, no other bottles. And with that bedtime routine chart, you can show we only have one bottle and then be firm on that. And yes, you'll get cranky, but so what? You know, we've got to have these limits. yeah.
Dr Laura (56:15)
Yes.
Yeah.
Good. I think we
need to jump down to the bottom and work up because the ones that down the end of the list that came through earlier, if you see what I mean. So we might need to go to Brie next and then, yeah, see and then go.
Fallon Cook (56:34)
All right. Okay, cool. All right. So
yeah, good plan. ⁓ Brie wrote in, she has a little boy who just turned two years old. He has a low sleep need of just under 10 hours per 24 hours. He naps for 45 minutes at daycare, but refuses a nap at home. He goes to bed at quarter past nine to 9.30 PM, wakes around 6.15 AM. He started to take longer to fall asleep, sometimes not until 10 PM. He has false starts now.
Dr Laura (56:48)
Mmm.
Fallon Cook (57:03)
and he's starting to wake early for the day. His dad has begun bed sharing with him as resettling is difficult. One day he didn't have a nap but fell asleep at 4pm from which Bri woke him after 20 minutes. Bri's partner is not on board with dropping the nap and he naps readily at daycare. Bri wants to know if we think he's ready to drop the nap or for her to trim it further although this results in him being grumpy. She has 10 days over the holidays where he's not at daycare. Drop the nap!
Dr Laura (57:32)
Yes, drop
the nap. Drop it.
Fallon Cook (57:33)
Drop the nap.
I don't care what your partner thinks. This kid is ready.
Dr Laura (57:36)
Yeah. Yes, absolutely.
That bedtime is getting ridiculously late. Yeah. This, even though he's just turned two, he has a low sleep need. It happens earlier for babies or toddlers rather that have low sleep needs. It's got to go, Bri. You've got this window of time now where he's not napping because all of his friends are napping at daycare. yeah, just grasp that with both hands, Bri, and just run with it.
Fallon Cook (57:42)
Yeah, yep, yeah.
Yep.
Yeah. And imagine 8pm bedtime,
6am wake up. That's, that's good. That's going to feel a lot better having your evenings back as well.
Dr Laura (58:06)
Yep. Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, let's do Renee's. Have we got time for one more question with Renee Fallon? Do you think? Yeah. So Renee has a seven month old with an approximate 12 and a half to 13 hour sleep need. Bedtime's 9pm. Wake up is between seven and eight. And the baby has two to three naps, totaling two to three hours each day.
Fallon Cook (58:17)
Yeah, yep, I think so.
Dr Laura (58:36)
She wakes overnight at 1am and resettles quickly using support and accelerated, wakes again at 4am for a feed and then at 6.30 when they bring her into their bed. Her question is, how do we come up with a daily rhythm so that she no longer wakes up around 1am and has a wake up time of between 7.30 and 8 and no earlier and one overnight breastfeed? She adds, I'm struggling to know where to start in tightening up the daily rhythm.
as doing so will bring sacrifices to my own current daily routine.
Fallon Cook (59:10)
⁓ welcome to parenthood and all the sacrifices. Sometimes we just don't get a say in these things. Okay. So if we've got 12 and a half to 13 hours to work with, first of all, I would say no more third nap. It's going to be two naps and you're going to cap it at two hours total day sleep. we're maximizing the amount of sleep we can push into the night. That gives us an 11 hour window overnight. If you want them to sleep until 8 AM, which is very, very late for a baby.
Dr Laura (59:12)
Mmm, yeah.
Yeah.
Mm.
Yeah.
Mm.
Mm-hmm.
Fallon Cook (59:40)
⁓ then they're going to have to go to bed at 9pm. So it's just maths. You've got to look at it like that. ⁓ She'd have to go to bed at 9pm if you want her up at 8am, cap the total day sleep at two hours across two naps. Now for as long as you bring ⁓ the baby into bed in the morning, they're going to keep waking up because they like it. They'll keep waking up and wanting to come into your bed. So if that's something you're wanting to get ⁓ rid of, you just...
Dr Laura (59:40)
Mm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Fallon Cook (1:00:07)
decide what approach you're going to use. Supported accelerated is probably your best bet since they're already familiar with it. And then stick with that in regards to the one overnight feeds. He's saying you want to keep only one overnight breastfeed. You're in control of that. If you only want to feed once, only feed once, decide what time you're going to do it. That's the time you offer it and you don't offer it again. You stick to whatever approach you're going to use to resettle.
Dr Laura (1:00:11)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Fallon Cook (1:00:33)
Some babies go, well, if there's one feed overnight, I'm just going to keep on waking up. You know, they just think I'll just keep waking up and checking that mom's or dad's not going to change their mind. ⁓ and so sometimes they will just keep waking until we dropped that final overnight feed. So these, this is where sometimes we have so little control over what we can really do with our babies. ⁓ a lot of babies just won't sleep in that long in the morning. They want to get up early. ⁓ yeah, there's a lot there that we can't control, but
Dr Laura (1:00:48)
Yeah.
Mmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Fallon Cook (1:01:01)
Look, that daily rhythm, I think is a really good start point for Renee. I would stick with that for a week and that should increase that sleep pressure at night time ⁓ and see how far you get. What would you add to that, Laura?
Dr Laura (1:01:05)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Yeah.
No, I think that's, that's spot on. Yeah, the fact that your baby is trying to wake up at 6.30 as well. That's not unusual. 6.30 AM is not an unusual wake up time for babies. Babies do tend to be larks and you're able to support her or him to stay asleep when you bring them into bed with you. And
Fallon Cook (1:01:30)
Mmm.
Dr Laura (1:01:41)
Yeah, but they're going to continue to wake up at 6.30, potentially because they know they can come into bed with you, but also potentially because that is when their circadian rhythm wants to start the day. So we can just give this a red hot go like Fallon suggested with this new daily rhythm and let's just see if we can get that wake up that you want. And I am not an early morning person myself. I hate having to get up early in the morning. So I feel for you, Renee. It does eventually come back when your kids get older, you can have a little bit of a sleep in again.
But it may be that if you simply cannot get them through until that 8 a.m. wake up, you and your partner may have to lean into an earlier wake up time and then bedtime just becomes earlier. Yeah, and you get your evenings back. Yeah.
Fallon Cook (1:02:24)
Yeah, yep.
Yeah, that's it. All right. Well, there are quite a few questions we didn't get to, and I'm sorry to those parents. I'll have a look through those and see what we can do, but we will be doing a little mini episode just before Christmas where we're going to answer off any questions we haven't quite gotten to ⁓ and any that come in over the next couple of weeks. So do stay tuned for that.
Dr Laura (1:02:29)
⁓ okay. Yes.
Fallon Cook (1:02:50)
Take really good care in this crazy season. Take good care of yourself. It can feel really overwhelming, pretty stressful in the lead up to the festive season. So don't forget to just take a bit of a breath, plan some things during the day if you can that are just for you. Even if it's just a cup of tea on the back step for two minutes before you get interrupted by a toddler, that'll be two glorious minutes. That'll be worth the effort. ⁓ yes. Yeah. my God. I'm sorry. I'm that. God, I needed that today.
Dr Laura (1:03:07)
Or that iced coffee in the morning like Jill suggests.
Yeah.
Fallon Cook (1:03:17)
Alright,
so if you have enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review, give us five stars and check if subscribe to the podcast as well. When you hit subscribe, it really helps us to reach more parents, you know, like you that are looking for this assistance. Buys a coffee, we'll pop a link in the show notes. I know we've had a couple of lovely angels buy us coffees lately who we'll have to give a shout out to in the next episode.
Dr Laura (1:03:29)
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Fallon Cook (1:03:41)
And of course, if you need help with sleep and settling, that's our whole thing. That's what we do. We've got the programs, we've got the clinic, we've got availability. So do reach out if you need that support. It's what we're here for. Have a wonderful week, everyone.
Dr Laura (1:03:46)
Yes.
Thanks everyone, bye bye.
