Fallon (00:02)
It's 5 a.m. The house is dark, everyone's asleep, except for one very small, very awake person who is absolutely ready to start their day. If that sounds like your little one, welcome to the biggest club in parenting. Early morning waking is, hands down, one of the most common and most exhausting sleep struggles that I hear about.
But the good news is that it almost always comes down to just a handful of causes. And once you know which one you're dealing with, it's actually very fixable. So before you resign yourself to a lifetime of pre-dawn starts, let's work out what's really going on.
Welcome back to Brand New Little People, the podcast companion to the Sombelle Pediatric Sleep Clinic programs. I'm your host, Dr. Fallon Cook. I have a PhD, a couple of postdoctoral fellowships in infant sleep, and I've got three little kids. Let's dive in, guys. So early rising. First up, let's really pick this apart and begin with thinking about is it a problem?
what constitutes early rising. So I know that some of my friends way up north in Queensland absolutely love being up at 5 a.m. in the morning to start their day. You know, there's more more daylight up there, they've got things to do. So for some families, waking up at 5 a.m. in the morning is not even
issue at all. And that is perfectly valid. If that's you, all power to you. You probably see far many more sunrises than the rest of us.
And it is a magic time of the day. So if if that's all cool with you and your little one, it's totally fine. There's not some rule that they have to sleep in longer. if it works for you, it's totally fine. But generally what I say is any wake-up time for the majority of babies, any wake-up time after about 6 a.m. is
okay.
And I remember years ago, a long time ago, when I first started my training and I I was being supervised by Professor Harriet Hiscock, who's done a lot of infant sleep research. And she's a really accomplished pediatrician too. And it always r sticks in my mind one time she said, I just think anything before six a.m is a bit rude. And I thought, yeah, yeah, if it's before six a.m., it's rude. So that's always kind of
stuck with me and I now often say that phrase to parents as well. but you know before 6 a.m not great. After 6 a.m lot more acceptable. But I always say to parents, you know, they are still a baby. We really have to keep in mind that babies often just won't sleep in until whatever our preferred wake-up time is. I do often see families in clinic who are like, well, you know, we like to get up at about 8 a.m
How do we make our baby sleep into 8 a.m.? Because I cannot start my day before eight. And I fully get it, because I very much used to be a night owl and I liked a bit of a a lay-in. but you know, often it's those those lie-ins that really go when we have a baby. So there are gonna be, you know, some changes where despite what you might like your wake wake up time to be, often babies just aren't on board with that. but I can say from personal experience,
one day.
Excuse me, those little babies will turn into teenagers and you will never be able to get them out of bed at 6 a.m. So it does all turn on its head, that's for sure. so I would say generally, yeah, as a rule for early waking, if they're waking up, a baby or child is waking up from 6 a.m. onwards, they're happy, clearly rested and ready to start the day, then it's not a problem. It's not really the problematic early rising that we're going to be talking about today.
So wakeups before 6 a.m. Let's have a chat about what usually causes it. And to regular listeners, it will come as no surprise to hear that one of the key culprits is the usual suspect. It's too much day sleep or their sleep needs have dropped off. It's got something to do with sleep pressure and that daily rhythm. so often an early wake up is really their little body saying, I've had enough sleep. I've met my
quota.
I'm done. I'm ready to go. Especially those ones where, you know, 5 a.m., they're like eyes wide open in the monitor and they're just like laughing, chatting, babbling. they're totally ready to go. so in these sorts of situations, sometimes we need to think about trimming the day's sleep or dropping a nap. So really have a think about are they kind of like at an age where they should be dropping a nap at around this time?
yeah, is it possible they're overdoing the day sleep and just running out of quota come sort of four or five a.m. in the morning? and I think for this one it's really helpful to talk through a bit of an example. So let's imagine we have maybe we've got a seven-month-old and they've got a 12-hour sleep need. Let's just imagine they do maybe three hours total day sleep and they go to bed at 7 p.m. so it's kind of sounds typical for a seven-month-old, but
Because they're going to bed at 7 p.m., they're pinging awake at 4 a.m. They've had their three hours day sleep, they've done nine hours of sleep overnight and come 4 a.m. They've simply run out. They've hit that quota. They're wide awake and ready to go. So, in a situation like that, how I would probably approach it, obviously, we'll be chatting to the family a little bit too. I've been making sure they're on two naps since they're seven months old.
And I reckon I'd be capping the total day sleep maybe at two hours total maximum. And then maybe it's an 8 p.m. bedtime so that we've got 10 hours, we can hopefully get them through to 6 a.m. So if you have an early riser, really think about how you are dividing up their total sleep need across the day and the night. Because so often that early rise is that they're just they're done, they've had enough sleep.
And there is no settling strategy available that is going to make a well-rested baby or toddler go back to sleep again. They just can't do it. another important thing to think about is if, you know, sometimes we hear parents say, we adapted this element or whatever, but it only lasted a week. So maybe they've, you dropped the nap, they knew they were ready to drop. But then after a week, the early rising just comes back again. And when this happens, it's it's often the case that their sleep need is genuinely gradually.
decreasing and that the daily rhythm kind of hasn't kept pace. So they might have dropped their nap, but if their sleep need maybe has dropped to 11 hours per 24 hours, then you you need to adapt that schedule again so that it fits them because they're still meeting their quota too early in the morning. So there's a few things to think about there and I would say they essentially all come back down to just recalculating what your child, your baby or toddler's sleep need is.
How much sleep do they average per 24 hours? And then really adapting the whole day to match. And you the idea for this episode actually came from several of the parent questions submitted today. We're going to be talking through how to do exactly that. there's a few questions about early rising, and I think they're gonna be some nice little case studies in there that we can unpack together and that might really help you think through how you might adapt your little one's day.
Now, the next point I wanted to talk about with early rising is the one that everyone bangs on about. And I reckon every parent already knows all of this. And you've probably well and truly checked off everything on this list. But even so, maybe you know you're brand new to parenting and you haven't kind of been chamozzled by the whole ridiculous online space for sleep. Maybe you haven't kind of learned some of these these tips, but we have to think about the sleep environment.
in the morning. So in the early hours, sort of 4 a.m. ish onwards, sleep pressure's starting to get pretty low. Your baby's kind of you know in the light, doing a lot of light sleep and not a lot of deep sleep. And they're really likely to be woken by things like sudden noises, light entering their room or feeling too cold. So for environmental sounds, especially if you have someone in your house who gets up early,
They start work really early. Often these, I don't know, these seem to be people, people who start work really early don't seem to know how loud they are. That's my experience. I see so many families complaining, like, you know, they get up for their job at 4 a.m. and they just make so much noise. but white noise is just such a great way to help mask those sounds of someone moving around the house or the rubbish truck going past or the birds screeching in the trees.
can be good way to just try and mask those noises and it can make a huge difference. using block out blinds if you are somewhere where the sun comes up very early, blocking out that light can just not give your child that kind of trigger that you know morning's nearly here. They just don't get it. It stays dark and they wake up when they're truly, truly ready.
And then check your nursery temperature. at the moment, especially when I'm recording this, we're having some really nice warm days. The evenings aren't too cold. And then come like 3 or 4 a.m. It's absolutely bloody freezing. And I know I've been getting up early in the morning, like, geez, it's really cold in here. sometimes we need to just adapt the thermostat a little bit to to come on maybe at 3 a.m. just warm things slightly, or we add another layer. So just have a little think about those environmental.
Aspects that could be impacting the early wakes. Alright, and the sort of final point I want to make about the early rising, something that is super common, and a lot of parents tell me about these things with a bit of a sheepish look on their face, but I completely get it. It's the habit trap. So if your child's really wakeful, you know, at 5 a.m. in the morning, you know, you are not alone if you have thought, bugger this, I'm bringing them into my bed.
Just so we can all be horizontal for another hour or so until we get up. or maybe, you know, I know a lot of parents who say, I just sit in the chair in the nursery with them on me so that they just keep napping until, you know, I'm kind of ready to get up for the day, which is horrible, bad for your back and not very comfortable, and you're definitely not getting very good rest if you're doing that. But it's these sorts of things we introduce before the wake-up time that we really want them to have.
that can act as very strong motivating factors. It's where a child, a baby or toddler might wake up at 5 a.m. and go, ooh, I know if I call out now, I'm really likely to get, you know, a cuddle in mum and dad's bed. And so they start to go, yeah, okay, whenever I wake up, I'm gonna call out. So suddenly the bed sharing, you know, goes from being 5 a.m. and then it's 4 a.m. and then it's 2 a.m. And then before you know it, it's like 10 p.m. the inupe.
And you've you've lost the whole night, you've got them there all night with you. no shade to those who love co-sleeping, it's totally fine. But I think most of our audience aren't huge fans of co-sleeping and they kind of want to avoid it if they can. So think about are there any habits that are you know creeping in in those early hours that are actually maintaining a really early wake-up because your child's feeling really motivated to wake early, knowing that something really lovely is going to happen.
similar things can happen with you know, toddlers who really don't need any overnight feeds anymore. Some parents are giving them a bottle or a sippy cup of warm milk to try and get them to go back to sleep or to keep them quiet for a while, or some parents will give them a screen, iPad, put the tally on at 5 a.m. I completely get it. I'd probably do the same thing, but try and avoid it because then they just think, yeah, awesome. Like it's so worth getting up early.
so there's a bunch of things we've gone through. And if you have an early riser, I reckon there's gonna be something in there where you're like, I think that's the thing we've got to work on. If you are, you know, going to work on getting your child sleeping in a bit longer, please, please, please start with their daily rhythm because no amount of reduction of those motivating factors or perfect sleep environment is going to
override a child's sort of circadian rhythm. If they are meeting their sleep needs by 4 a.m. and they're wide awake, it doesn't matter. You could try and keep them in their cot. I mean, good luck with that. But no settling strategy, no ideal sleep environment is gonna push through that. So start by working on their daily rhythm. Give it a whole week. Let it really fall into a lovely predictable pattern for their body so that they're really starting to like
feel that sleep pressure until that ideal wake up time. And then after that week, that's your chance to go, okay, let's stop bringing them into our bed or let's stop offering, you know, the sippy cup of milk at 4 a.m. or whatever else else it is that you need to change. Make those changes after you've corrected the daily rhythm because it's more fair on them. You're not asking them to try and get back to sleep when they're not tired enough. But it's way easier on you. You're not in a battle with a cranky kid.
early in the morning when your own, you know, reserves are kind of down. it's gonna make it a lot smoother if we've, yeah, spent a week on that daily rhythm really settling into it first. So there you have it. I really hope anyone listening in has really found some little bits of gold in there that they can carry through to their own lives. Or if you know someone who's just so tired of getting up really early in the morning, send them the episode so they can work through those factors as well.
And of course, if this is this is something you really want support with, you can always join Sombelle where there's lots of information about building out the ideal daily rhythm and you can book coaching calls and all that sort of thing if you need the extra support. Amazing. Well, let's go into parent questions now. We have 14 today, and I've done my best to try to condense them down into something small and manageable. So if you do send in a question for the podcast.
Maybe even have a go at reading it out yourself. Just think, is this kind of in a good format for the podcast? Because it really helps me when I've got to go through so many questions and try and kind of straighten them all out and make them succinct. If you guys have really sort of narrowed in on exactly what you want help with, it really, really helps me to bring those sorts of questions to the pod. So let's start with Gemma. Gemma starts by saying she's got a nine-month-old.
and she says, You've changed my life. I'm telling everyone about some bow. So thank you so much, Gemma. That's really, really lovely. Gemma's son has an 11-hour sleep need. He has two naps. He's asleep by 9 p.m. after a feed and a settle in the cot, and he has an 8:30 a.m. wake-up time, though he's usually up between 6:30 and 8 a.m. So a bit of variability there. he has two scheduled night feeds at 2 a.m. and 6 a.m.
And Gemma uses the supported accelerated approach for any other wakes. He now does a lovely three to four hour first stretch of the night, but after that, he after the first feed, he only manages two to two and a half hour stretches and sometimes needs two full 30 minute settling cycles where he's crying, he's standing up, really trying to avoid sleep before going down the third try. That's really, really tricky, Gemini, poor thing.
So Gemma asks, how can she help him string together longer stretches after the first night feed? And will she ever reach a point where she doesn't need the supported accelerated approach? Or is that a till there a toddler thing? Gemma, it's definitely not a till there a toddler thing. I totally hear what you're saying though. You're describing a pretty massive sleep pressure problem. I reckon there's some work we can do with the daily rhythm there. if he's got an 11 hour sleep need, he's going to bed at
9 p.m., potentially sleeping in as late as 8 30 a.m., then that's already 11 and a half hours opportunity. And we haven't even factored in how long he's napping for in the day, which I'm guessing is probably at least an hour on top of that. So potentially there's 12 and a half or more hours of opportunity being offered for him to reach his 11 hour sleep need. Now what can happen with that is for some of them, they'll fall asleep, you know, at bedtime, they'll sleep all through the night, but wake up excruciatingly early.
Or like for Gemma's baby, they'll wake up in the night and take forever to go back to sleep. So Gemma's having, you know, some pretty significant split nights, even though he knows how to self-settle. When they can self-settle, but they're still really resistant to fall back asleep overnight, it tells us it's absolutely sleep pressure. So Gemma, I would definitely to get those longer stretches overnight, we've got to kind of compress the night a bit. after he has his day naps, how much budget do we have left overnight?
It might be that maybe he has two hours total day sleep. so we're working with an 11 hour budget. that would leave him with maybe nine hours of opportunity overnight. Maybe it's worth trying a 9 p.m. bedtime and a 6 a.m. wake up. And I'm sure he'll be cranky as anything the first week of doing that. He'll be pretty cranky. but then it will click. He'll start to have longer nights, he'll wake up more refreshed and he'll easily get through the day. So
It can just take a little bit of a nudge and a bit of a massage to get them into that pattern. But if that means he's then sleeping through and waking up, you know, really refreshed, awesome. yeah, so that's definitely a situation where I would adapt the daily rhythm. Probably, you know, feeds in really nicely with the what we're just talking about with early rising and sort of needing to adapt the the daily rhythm at times. In terms of the supported accelerated approach, if the daily rhythm is working well, this is a really good tip if you've done supported accelerated.
So if you have a great daily rhythm that truly fits their needs, often a week or so after starting supported accelerated, you say goodnight, you wander away, and they just put themselves to sleep. You're essentially not really having to do any kind of intervals or anything like that anymore, because they just don't need it. They know exactly how to get off to sleep. They've got the sleep pressure to do it. So yeah, if you've got the daily rhythm in place and it's the right daily rhythm, Gemma.
you'll very quickly find that you're not really having to keep following that approach. You'll quickly get to a point where you just say goodnight and they don't really need you there anymore. so good luck, Gemma. Hopefully that advice is just what you need to kind of pull it all together now. It sounds like you're very, very close, which is really exciting. Next question is from Lizzie, who has a seven and a half month old. She says she's really loving the podcast and Sombelle. So thank you so much, Lizzie, for that feedback. It's lovely.
Lizzie says her daughter has a 13 hour sleep need and they're aiming for an 8 pm bedtime and a 7am wake up, but nights are very disrupted, around six wakes a night with a strong feed to sleep association, where she screams until she can latch, mostly just a comfort suckle.
They're a three-parent family and are moving her into a cot in another room so her dads can help break the feed to sleep association and work towards night weaning. What a brilliant idea. Often we need the feeding parent to be out of sight, out of mind when we go to drop a feed to sleep association or start to night wean. So that's really smart thinking. So Lizzie's questions are if a scheduled feed time arrives while she's still settling.
Does she feed or keep settling? Is there a daytime feeding schedule that supports better sleep? Is 40 to 50 minutes of crying during settling to be expected? And does she keep going when pickups and circuit breakers only stop the crying briefly? She's wondering if the recent move to two naps is making her baby too tired and is it adding to the wakes? So there's a whole bunch of questions in here. It does sound like a little bit of a complicated.
situation. So first up, Lizzie, I would be, you know, if you're aiming for 11 hours overnight, 8 p.m. to 7 a.m., they've got a 13 hour sleep need, then you have a two hour budget maximum for their total day sleep. So make sure you're doing that. Okay. And don't don't go, you know, adjusting things or letting it drift day to day. Be quite rigid with that daily rhythm. So we really know that when you go to reduce your overnight feeds, that sleep pressure is there to make it as easy as possible.
And I love that the dads are going to be in the cot in another room to do that hard work when it comes to night weaning. Yeah, definitely less confusing for a baby when the breastfeeding parent just doesn't appear overnight. So if a scheduled feed time arrives and she's still settling, do you feed or keep settling? it's such a good question. And I think it can really go either way. I would probably be inclined to offer the feed.
But just don't feed to sleep. If that's what you're working on stopping, you know, pause the feed if she's falling asleep, hand her over to her dads, and they can do that work of getting her back to sleep in the cot. That's probably how I would approach it most of the time. no, there's no sort of magical daytime feeding schedule that's going to support better sleep. But given she's seven and a half months old and you want to reduce overnight feeds, make sure you're offering three opportunities for solid food. So do brecki, lunch, and dinner. Even if she's not interested,
Put it in front of her, show her that it's there, because often as we start to reduce night feeds, they get really hungry and they really go looking for calories. And we really want that interest to be pushed into more solid foods, probably more so than we do more milk during the daytime. So make sure the solids are being offered. she's probably on a two nap schedule, so you'd want to be offering a feed for every wake window and maybe the odd extra feed per wake window. and that that should suit her pretty well.
Forty to fifty minutes of crying during settling, is it to be expected? Look, maybe for like the first tricky settle without a feed, if you're stopping the feed to sleep, maybe forty to fifty minutes. That's pretty long time though. I would say mostly they is if we've got the daily rhythm really on track, mostly even the first settle wouldn't take that long. so if that was continuing to take forty to fifty minutes to settle her, I'd be thinking, something's a bit up with the daily rhythm. but yeah, those settles should
should get quick very quick. do you still do the pickups and circuit breakers if they're yeah, sounds like they're not really working. I think that's a really personal decision too. Some parents will say I have to pick them up for a cuddle or I'm never going to get them back to sleep. Yeah, they really are comforted by a brief cuddle. Other parents say, no way, if I pick them up out of the cot it's game over. They get their hopes up and then when I try and put them back down they are furiously mad.
I think it really comes down to temperament. So have an experiment, Lizzie. Does it help her if you pick her up for a brief cuddle? you know, when you're trying to get her off to sleep, or are you better off just sticking to the plan and persisting until she falls asleep? Have an experiment and see what works best. and definitely not the recent move to two naps would not be making her overtired. It's really not a concern at this age, and she's definitely old enough to be on two naps.
So it won't be adding to the wakes, but often when we do drop a nap, it's like we've gone and taken all the cards and thrown them in the air and it takes a week for them to settle down into place again. So whenever you change the daily rhythm, expect four absolutely crappy days. generally it's about four, sometimes it's closer to a week, and then that rhythm should click into place. So yeah, try not to worry too much.
So good luck, Lizzie. You've got a lot of moving parts there, but I totally love that you've you're a three-parent family. How amazing having an extra person who can, you know, be there and love it. Love the teamwork. Love that you're working together. It's so cool. All right, Kerri emailed in. Kerri has a little girl who's almost seven months. She has a 12 and a half hour sleep need, settles independently for every sleep, and dropped to two naps about three weeks ago.
They aim for a 7am start, but she wakes around 5 or 6 a.m., lies quietly awake for about an hour, then resettles herself. Interesting. Cutting day sleep or dropping a nap has fixed the early waking before, but only for about a week before it returns. Carrie is quite focused on protecting the daily rhythm and is now really hesitant about car or stroller apps, while Dad worries she's constantly sleep deprived.
Kerry's question is, can babies struggle to resettle in the early morning even with a little sleep pressure left in the tank? Is up to an hour of day-to-day variation in wake time a problem? Or is she expecting too much consistency? And is it normal for sleep needs to drop this quickly, or is she cutting day sleep that her baby still needs? These are such brilliant questions, Kerri. I would say you do not have to worry about her being sleep deprived if she's spending a whole hour awake.
And what you know, she sounds like she's quite happy in her cot during that time. If she was a sleep-deprived baby and she knows how to self-settle, she a hundred percent would be sleeping for that hour. I would stay the course. I reckon you've got every chance that by just sticking to that daily rhythm, maybe give it another week, see how it goes, I think her body's gonna start to realise, I really should sleep for that hour to meet my sleep needs. And if it's not coming together.
reassess that total sleep need and make those adjustments. I'm sure the content at the start of this episode would have been so relevant for Carrie. Work through those four kind of factors that influence the early wake ups and check if any of them are relevant to your baby Carrie. So what other questions do we have in there? Let me just have a look.
Yeah, sleep needs can drop off that quickly. Yeah. Look, if you are cutting day sleep too short, if your baby is genuinely sleep deprived, because you're not giving them enough opportunity to sleep. For starters, it's very, very rare that parents will do that. but she will just be cranky and furiously tired all the time. Yeah, it wouldn't let up. She wouldn't be having happy playtime. She would just be cranky all the time.
Sometimes we've got to think about the balance of things. Sometimes they're having where, you know, cutting their day's sleep too short and hoping for too much sleep overnight. And for some babies, they just naturally need a little more day's sleep and a shorter night. So you could think about sort of redistributing the balance of the sleep across the day and the night. that might be helpful. but yeah, I think it's gonna come together for you, Carrie. it just might take a little bit of experimenting with that daily rhythm to get there.
Okay, Mish emailed in. She has a little four-month-old and says, Thanks for all you do. It's life-changing for so many families. Thank you, Mish. These words are like music to my ears. I love it when families send in these gorgeous little notes. It's really nice. so Mish says her son is in a regression. His first overnight stretch has dropped from four to five hours to only two.
Where he used to go down easily, he now needs around 15 minutes of cot settling every time. A dummy introduced at around three months helped him to settle, but now he wakes whenever it falls out or he just pulls it out himself. He's having four night feeds, including a dream feed, and she'd like to drop one. So Misha's question is Should she fade out the dummy first or drop a night feed first? And do dummies actually help when you're dropping a feed? Okay.
First thing I'm gonna say, Mish, is that sounds like sleep needs have massively declined, which is what happens at four months. So definitely check that your daily rhythm is still a good fit. because you know, if he was doing four or five hours but now he's having split nights, that's real sign that maybe the sleep pressure's dropped off. Maybe he shed an hour or so from his sleep needs. So just check in on that. so you've got the best chance of success. It may be worth making a few edits for a week or so and then
Thinking about next steps. So four night feeds is quite a lot. Absolutely, you should be able to get down to three. At four months, you can probably get down to one or two. So that's completely fine. Whether you should fade out the dummy first or drop a night feed. Mmm. If you want to drop a night feed, I'd probably do that first because the dummy can kind of give a bit of that suckling that they're looking for.
some families say the dummy is a huge help when they're dropping a feed, and others say that their babies are just furious that you're trying to give them a dummy when they want to feed. so yeah, look, I would say probably work on dropping some feeds first. The reason those feeds have increased is probably because of a sleep pressure problem. So work on that daily rhythm, and you may very well find that your baby drops down to maybe two or three feeds a night all on their own accord.
and when you go to drop the dummy, just drop it. Cold turkey, just decide on a day and drop it. if that's what you've decided to do, there's no real phasing it out. It's just gotta be one day it's just gone and there's no looking back from there. but yeah, it's a personal decision and lots of families decide the dummy's helpful and they want to keep it. So no judgment there. But if you decided you're gonna get rid of it, yeah, I would just dive in and make it disappear.
Okay, next question is from Kayana. I hope I'm saying your name right. Kayana. Kiana? Kayana? It's a beautiful name either way. So Kiana has a an eighteen month old. They said that they use the podcast to help them reduce false starts, multiple wake ups overnight, biphasic nights, and breastfeeding to sleep. Well, that's amazing. I'm so glad you got all of that from the podcast. amazing, amazing work, Kiana.
Kiana says their daughter has around a 12 and a half hour sleep need and sleeps roughly 8 p.m. to about 6 30 or 7 a.m. with a one and a half hour midday nap. Okay, great. So that's a good fit for the sleep needs. since Kayana has returned to work, she's developed significant separate has developed significant separation anxiety and now strongly prefers her mum.
She settled by being held, transferred to her cot, then brought into the parent's bed after her first wake, where she resettles more easily. For the past six months, she won't let dad settle her at all. They're planning to use the advanced accelerated approach and would like to know should they work on her preference for mum and getting dad involved at the same time as teaching independent settling or one thing at a time?
Do her weekday grandparent carers need to settle her the exact same way now or can that wait? And would putting a spare bed in her room during the transition ease her anxiety or just create another sleep association? these are really brilliant questions, Kiana. okay. You can work on the preference and the independent settling at the same time if you want to.
I feel like parents kind of know what their child can manage. So some parents will just say, you know what? you know, I'm the mum who my child has the separation anxiety from, and I think it's better I'm just not present at bedtime, and that dad just handles the whole thing. that's really common. That the parent that the separation anxiety is related to just stays out of the picture while the other parent takes the lead on the independent settling. that
for some families works really, really well. Whereas other families will say, no no no, I'm the one that got the separation anxiety too. And I feel like I really need to stay in the room and be sitting nearby. just so they can see I'm still there while we work on them falling asleep in their cot. It really can go either way. I think have a think about what you think is likely to work best. even have a bit of an experiment and see what suits your daughter best.
And with whatever approach you use, just make sure you and your partner are both doing the exact same thing because we want your toddler to learn. It actually doesn't matter if it's mum or dad who does the settling, it goes the exact same way every single time. it's not super important that the other caregivers settle her the exact same way. That can wait until later on. And toddlers often just realize, yeah, Nanda does it that way, granny does it this other way.
or hopefully grandpa or pop are involved as well. they just learn that different people use different settling methods and often it's not too much of an issue. and definitely don't rock the boat if you're getting some very handy free childcare from the grandparents. Just let them do what they want to do. Let them soak up all the cuddles if that's what they want to do. I wouldn't be too worried.
Putting a spare bed in her room during the transition to cot settling will it ease her anxiety or create a new sleep association? It's a great question and something I pick apart with parents in an appointment, whether they're better off just not being there or staying there the whole time. A lot of parents will opt to have a spare bed in the room and they're just showing their toddler it's okay. There's someone here for you at all times. And then once they've adapted to settling in the cot, so that over that big, big hurdle that is cot settling.
then often it's not such a big deal to start, you know, wandering out of the room before they're asleep and that sort of thing. And and yeah, some parents find it nice to break that into sort of a couple of stages. So yeah, being in the room might create another sleep association, but it doesn't tend to be a very hard one to reduce later on. So if staying in the room is helpful just to get through that initial tricky patch, I would say do it. worry about weaning them off that later on. Good luck, Kiana. I'm keen to hear how you go.
Next up, we have a question from Julia who has a 17 month old. Julia says, You have been such a blessing and made the parenting journey feel less alone. that is awesome, Julia. I love it. Thank you for those beautiful words. It's really nice. Julia says her 17 month old son is spirited, very verbal. He has around 200 words already.
and observant with lifelong caregiver preferences. He started daycare at 15 months and drop offs remain consistently distressing. He clings, asks to be carried, rocked or bounced, and escalates to screaming as they approach the daycare. Teachers say he cries on and off throughout the day, though he eats, sleeps and joins in once he's calm. They've tried a lovey,
Books without books about starting daycare and reassuring him about pickup time without much improvement. Her question is, should she expect this level of separation anxiety to continue? And is there anything else she can do to help him settle? this is such a fascinating question, and it kind of goes a bit outside of sleep, but I totally get that yeah, that kind of level of separation anxiety is probably feeding into bedtime as well.
I think for really, really bright toddlers, they are so much more aware of how scary the world can be than the toddlers who just don't have that level of kind of cognitive processing yet. So I feel like they can be pretty anxious about things and just more aware of risk. They're often very, very cautious and observant of what's going on around them. I think you've got a choice to make. You could I'm actually I'm
have to be honest, I'm just thinking on my own personal experience here where I had really tricky daycare drop-offs. At times my children really just needed to know that I would sit with them and read a book and wait until they had just relaxed and kind of transitioned into the room. And then they felt a lot better about me leaving and it was more manageable. But there are definitely other times where I was like, if I hang around, it just makes everything get more kind of tense and they're clinging to me and it's just making it worse. Where I had to just make it really like
Dropping you off, I'll be back later. And then I'd go striking that balance and knowing what your child needs, I think, really just comes down to a bit of trial and error and working out what suits them best. But if this is turning into something much more complicated and you know it's not improving with time, because often separation anxiety just improves with time, seek out a psychologist or have a chat to a pediatrician and
Let them do a bit more exploring with you around those behaviours, what's driving it, and what sort of strategies would be useful. because yeah, my expertise is more the sleep side of things, but if there are broader behaviour problems and challenges that you've got, just like with sleep, go get support for them. Because if you're really struggling with something, then you deserve to have support to figure that out. And there are experts who know exactly how to fix these problems. why not have the benefit of their expertise?
so good luck Julie. It sounds like you've got a fascinating little toddler on your hands and I really hope that it does get easier with those daycare drop offs. I know I remember a feeling a lot of guilt with my children when they didn't want to be at daycare. Makes it really hard to get through the day without them. So yeah, send you a big hug 'cause I'm sure you need it.
Okay, next question is from Madeline, who has a six month old, and I loved reading Madeleine's email. She said, I've gotten half my parent group onto Sombelle. They've found it so helpful. That is awesome. Every now and then we get like this like an influx of like five or six people just buying Sombelle all like back to back in a row, and I think, hmm, was that a parent group recommendation where everyone's gone, okay, I'm gonna get it too.
but I love that. It must be so nice when you're all kind of working through similar approaches and working on your sleep plans as a group. love that. Totally love it. All right, so Madeleine says her son has around a 12 and a half to 13 hours sleep need. He dropped his night feeds about two weeks ago and now wakes roughly twice a night, needing his dummy or just a little reassurance.
Since around three months, he's come into the parents' bed for cuddles from about 5 a.m. until the 6 30 a.m. wake up time, but sleeps independently in his cot for everything else. She's loved this chapter but is ready to move him towards more independence. When she tried to resettle him in the cot at 5 a.m., he just became more alert and awake. She's thinking the first step is moving him into his own room overnight.
And asks, is that the right first move? If he wakes up at 5 a.m. and can't resettle, you know, should she get him up and hold his usual nap timing throughout the day? Mmm. Love this one, Madeline. Again, so relevant to what I was talking about earlier. he's really kind of gotten used to the lovely 5 a.m. cuddles and is probably feeling pretty annoyed that you've decided he's not having them anymore.
so I would say, yep, moving him into his own room, it might be time to do it. If you've got a really alert little baby and they can hear you nearby, when that sleep pressure's low, they hear you roll over and they're like, game over, that's where I want to be. For some of them, when they move to their own room, they sleep through, they don't hear you, it's not they're not getting that signal that you're there or awake. and it makes it much easier. it's something to think about now that they're past that six month mark.
And yeah, should you get him up or hold yeah, so okay, so you move him to that room. I mean, I would also be doing all the usual check-ins on the daily rhythm as well. because they are at a time where sleep needs can drop off quickly. But if you're pretty sure you've nailed that daily rhythm, and they wake up at 5 a.m., you try and try and try to resettle and they just don't resettle, then yes, as hard as it is, stick to the usual nap times and push him through to bedtime.
And I know it will be the worst day, and he'll be so cranky. But his circadian rhythm is learning, can't do that, can't wake up early, because I don't get to have, I don't get to have snuggles in bed. I don't get to have an extra nap or an extra long nap. I don't get to have an early bedtime. It really shows the circadian rhythm. We have to sleep into our usual wake-up time because there's just not opportunity for catch-up. So yeah, stick to the usual daily rhythm, and you'll probably find it will happen once and then maybe twice.
And then you'll never see it again. because that's how powerful it is when we really hold firm on a daily rhythm, really helps them adapt to it quickly and kind of figure out what the what the parameters are for that morning wake up. So yeah, good luck, Madeleine, and thanks so much for your question. Tori has an almost one-year-old, and she says that Sombelle has completely changed how they understand and approach sleep. Love that, that's so good.
Tori says after a more traditional approach didn't suit their younger lower sleep needs baby, they revisited it at 11 months, revisited sleep rather at 11 months, but using Sombelle with the supported accelerated approach. And Tori says it worked really, really well. he's now sleeping about 8 p.m. to 6 a.m. and has two naps. Her questions are: what signs show he's genuinely ready to drop from two naps to one?
And how do they make that transition while protecting overnight sleep? Let's start with that question and then we'll go into the rest. So signs they're ready to drop from two naps to one. You might see any of the following. So you might find that that second nap is just pushing so late in the day that it's like starting to impact bedtime. or they're just so hard to settle for it. You're just thinking, gosh, is it worth all this hassle?
Or the naps might be fine, but you only feel it at bedtime. Maybe at bedtime they're starting to take ages to settle and you notice bedtime's creeping later and later. it's all just getting a bit more complicated. Or bedtime could be totally fine. Naps and bedtime are fine, but maybe they're just waking up more overnight. excuse me. It might be that they're having false starts, split nights, or just waking really frequently and kind of needing more support than what they typically would need. or it can just be early rising.
So there's kind of like a whole bunch of different ways that it can play out. and you might see all of them or one of them. so I would say at around about that one year mark, I'd be really looking for one of those factors changing, but for more than a week. So, you know, pretty normal for things to be bumpy for a couple of days. If there's a change for more than a week, it's probably time to make that change. How do you do it and protect the overnight sleep?
Well, in your case, it sounds like they're doing 10 hours overnight, two hours of day sleep across two naps. I would start with doing two hours of day sleep in one nap. Then that's what you allow for, and then you try and push through the usual bedtime. You might not quite make it those first few days, and that's fine. Just keep pushing for it and the circadian rhythm is picking up that okay, we're changing patterns again. that tends to be the best way to do it. Over time you might find that, actually they only need an hour and a half day sleep and a 7 30 pm bedtime.
So be open-minded and kind of see what tends to work best for them. But initially I would always just join together all the days sleep into one nap. let that be their full nap opportunity and see how they go. It's a pretty tricky adjustment dropping from two to one nap. But you know, if they're ready for it, after a week or two, you'll be like, yeah, we are we're good, we're in the pattern. It's it's fine, it's behind us. awesome. So
Tori's other question is that they'd love him to eventually share a room with their three and a half year old who sleeps from around 7 p.m. to 6 30 a.m. A previous attempt at room sharing failed because the baby's unpredictable wake ups. so they're wondering if they should wait until his nights are consistently settled and how do they manage the move without disrupting their older son. Definitely have a really good chat to your three and a half year olds so they really understand that it's really normal to hear their baby brother
cry out, that there's nothing to worry about, that you guys will take care of things. You might use some white noise in the room if they're both light sleepers. Definitely I would wait until the nights are tr you know sort of tracking along pretty well. Probably once they're on one nap, you'll find the nights are pretty settled. And that's probably the best time to make that move. So yeah, I think it's mostly about wording up your three and a half year old.
to not wake up the baby if they wake before the baby and to not worry if they hear the baby. But good luck. My kids, I've talked about it before. My kids room shared for years and years and years. And I just think it was awesome. And I know like the generation before me, it was so common to have like six kids in one bedroom and everyone shared and like talking to that older generation, some of their fondest memories were of sharing their bedroom with their siblings and all the little chats they'd have after the lights were out.
Room sharing can be such a beautiful thing. So yeah, I hope it really works out for you, Tori. yeah, good luck. All right, next question is from Ciara who has a 13-month-old. And she said in her email, the changes from Sumbal have revolutionized our lives. We couldn't be more grateful. Thank you. That's so lovely to hear, Ciara,
Ciara says her daughter sleeps beautifully, usually from about 7 45 p.m. to 6 15 a.m. she settles easily and can be put down by any familiar caregiver. Amazing. But she says the slight hiccup is she started waking earlier, around 5 15 to 5 45 a.m., and mostly just lies happily awake in her cot until they come in. Only occasionally crying or calling out briefly.
Ciara's questions are, is it okay to leave her happily awake in the cot until closer to the usual wake time? Or is there a risk of building an association between the cot and being awake? great question. Could it be an early sign she's approaching a nap transition? She doesn't think her overall sleep needs have changed, but wonders about the best strategy. you're gonna love this episode, Ciara. It's so relevant to you.
yeah, look, definitely, like you've already suggested, like you can check in on the sleep needs, just make sure that you know everything's tracking okay. look, sometimes they will just wake early and if they're happy in their cot, they're not bothered, it's fine to take your time going in there and maybe even only going in there at wake-up time. that's okay. But if you know they're spending ages awake in their cot every single morning, some of those babies will eventually just go, you know what, I'm done with this. And
they start to get really cross and cranky. And it can erode that association between when I'm in the cot, you know, I fall asleep. So we definitely don't want there to be a lot of awake time in the cot. If we're talking about 10, 15 minutes, I'm not worried, but if it's stretching on much longer than that, then probably their their daily rhythm needs adapting. Might be time to push that bedtime maybe a little bit later, for example, or if they're not on one nap, maybe it's time to do that. So there's a few things to think about there, Ciara.
and yeah, good luck. Let us know how you go. Next up we have a question from Peta who has a 13-month-old but who's just under 12 months corrected age. So I must have been born a little bit prem. Peta says the program and podcast have really helped us improve our little girl's sleep, which is so terrific. I'm really glad to hear it. she says her daughter's sleep has been lovely, a seven to eight hour first stretch.
A brief comfort feed and then she sleeps through to around 6 a.m. But recently she's had more night waking and early rising with illness and teething stalling the efforts to wean that last comfort feed. A week of tracking suggests her total sleep need has dropped from 12 to about 11 hours. She was on two 40 minute naps with a 7.20 to 7.30 pm bedtime.
And Peta asks, should she switch to the suggested 11 hour routine? So in our Sombelle programme, we have some suggested daily rhythms based on different sleep needs. And that would be a 6 a.m. wake up, two 30-minute naps, and an 8 p.m. bedtime, or move to one nap? And if so, what routine would work? should also love guidance on eventually room sharing with their three and a half year old, who's a strong sleeper, as the baby's currently in their room until they move house.
Well, we've already addressed what to do about the three and a half year old, thanks to Chiara's question. was it Chiara's question? No, it was Tori's question about the three and a half year old. so yeah, I would offer the same advice to you in that regard, Peta. look, I would say that just under twelve months corrected. Look, you could try and keep the two thirty minute naps a little longer and adapt the bedtime and wake up time.
And just sort of see how that goes. It might mean sticking with two naps a little longer, but I would say if after a week or two it's not really helping with those overnight wakes and the early rising, I would make the move to just the one nap. and for that one nap, if they are this is the other thing. I'd be thinking, is it truly an 11 hour sleep need if they've had a bit of teething and illness that can skew things a little bit? So keep an eye on that. If when they're better, they start to sleep a little more.
it might be that you need to actually be aiming for a little bit more sleep in that daily rhythm. but yeah if it's an 11 hour sleep need and they move to one nap, you might find they do, I can go all sorts of ways. Like it could be a one hour nap and then 8 p.m to six a.m. Or it could be an hour and a half nap and then 8.30 p.m to six a There's so many ways you can work it.
just choose your starting point, stick with it for a week, see if they adapt, if it's not going well, make some further tweaks from there. yeah. And I would say wait until the the illness and teething are, you know, well and truly resolved and make sure you've got that daily rhythm humming along well, then you should find that dropping that final comfort feed isn't too hard. Might have a couple of nights where you have to do a resettle that might be a bit tricky, and then generally they just forget they ever had it and you're done. Like it's just totally done.
So I've got my fingers crossed for you, Peta. Good luck. All right, we have a question from Veda who says, a lighthouse source of information through some rocky months. That's what Sumbal meant to her, which was so, so lovely to hear. Thank you so much, Veda, for that. so Veda has a nine-month-old and she says her daughter is likely lower sleep needs around about 11 hours.
She has two short 40 to 45 minute naps at roughly 9 15 a.m. and 2 15 p.m. She self settles for most of them and is happy and content through the day with three solid meals. Bedtime's around 7 p.m. after dinner, a bath and a breastfeed with two to three breastfeeds overnight. She wakes around 5 15 to 6 a.m. with the first feed held until 6 15 a.m.
The tricky bit is awake around 10 to 10.30 pm where she's very distressed and hard to resettle until about midnight when they finally offer a feed. And even when they do resettle her earlier, she often wakes again within five or ten minutes crying just as hard. They suspect there isn't enough sleep pressure to carry her through that stretch, but she already gets very little day sleep, so they're unsure what to tweak. A later bedtime seems the obvious lever, but they worry she'll fall asleep on the breast.
How would we adjust her routine and handle that late evening wake while protecting independent settling? I love, love, love, love, love this question. Okay. You are 100% right. If she's only falling back asleep for five to ten minutes, sleep pressure's really low. She's not even getting into like a full sleep cycle or or getting into the deep part of the sleep cycle, if that's the case. So yeah, I absolutely would push bedtime later.
and yeah, it might mean that so you want to protect the the self-settling, but you don't want it falling asleep in that final breastfeed. So what you can do is potentially keep the breastfeed at the time it currently is, and maybe you're pushing bedtime half an hour later or so. work through the unique sleep needs chapters and have a look at those daily rhythms to work out what what suits you. but a lot of families will just have that that final breastfeed or bottle feed of the day 20 to 30 minutes before bedtime.
Then they do their bedtime routine. So there's plenty there to kind of keep them awake and and aware and then put them down for sleep. So it takes a bit of practice, but yeah, you're absolutely gonna get there. And you might just have to do, like a lot of families will do, that final feed, you know, in front of the tally or in a noisy room, just so their babies are a bit more wakeful, and then they go in and do the settling. Because at the end of the day, sometimes they do drift off very, very quickly. So good luck with that Veda.
we are flying through. This is gonna be a long episode though. I can I can already tell. And luckily my voice is holding up. okay, Fleur sent in an email. She's got a five-month-old, and she says, You have been amazing. The program's been great, and the podcast is excellent. Thank you so much, Fleur. That's so cool. Fleur says, as a first-time mum, she's been really proactive with sleep from early on. Her son has around a 13-hour sleep need.
Settles independently in his bassinet overnight and in his cot for naps, and was sleeping about 7.30pm to 7am. They're transitioning to three naps, roughly one hour plus another hour plus a 30-minute nap. Over the past couple of weeks he's been waking earlier around 6 a.m. and now wakes roughly every two hours from 11 pm, whereas he used to wake just once for a feed.
A dummy should introduce for the early wakes has now been successfully dropped and they're two days into the accelerated approach with good results. Her question is when calculating his 13 hour sleep need, should she include time he dozes during the pre-bed breastfeed and overnight feed to sleep? and is there a unique unique needs adjustment that could bring his morning back from 6 a.m. to their preferred 7am?
All right, Fleur, he's at an age where they shed sleep really quickly. It's like from four to six months. They're on like this slide where their sleep needs are are dropping down. And it sounds like that's what's happened. So even moving to three naps, it's just, I mean, if we think about it, that's sort of two and a half hours total day sleep, and you are aiming for eleven and a half hours overnight. So that's about fourteen hours you're aiming for, but he's got a thirteen hour sleep need, potentially even less.
so I definitely would be adjusting you know, potentially adjusting bedtime a little bit later. it's really common too that often they do settle on a wake up of like around 6 a.m. or so and parents are sort of trying to get back to 7 a.m. I see that quite a lot. But you really need to work out is it in the budget? Is it in the sleep budget to be able to get a 7 a.m. wake up? Or would a 7 a.m. wake up meaning having to push bedtime like to 9 p.m.?
some families are like totally cool with that and others are like, No way, I want my evenings back. I'll just I'll just wear the six AM wake up. so I'd have a bit of a think about that. I wouldn't include sort of doziness on the breast. if it is just a little bit of doziness and not like fully asleep, probably wouldn't include it include it.
And maybe work on overnight rather than feeding back to sleep, popping back in his cot to fall asleep. That can also really help to improve the nights as well. So there's a few things there, that you could try with sort of adapting the daily rhythm. It's a period of rapid change. So often parents are kind of going, God, what do I try next? Or I tried that and it didn't work and there's lots of experimenting going on. but look,
Six months, six, seven months, they fall into a two-nap rhythm, and then you've got a really beautiful six months where things are pretty settled. So you're getting really close to that flour. I'm excited for you. Okay, second last question is from Rhiannon She has an almost one-year-old. Her son has around a 12-hour sleep need, about 10 hours of it overnight, and a 6 a.m. alarm, so quite a set wake-up time.
Almost every morning he wakes between sleep cycles somewhere around 4 30 to 5 15 a.m. and is impossible to resettle in the cot. He's rolling and crying and fussing for over an hour with no soothing working. But the moment he's brought into the parent's bed, he settles and sleeps soundly until the alarm. They're working on independent settling with the quick fade approach, but her question is: do these early wakes mean his sleep need is lower than they think?
Or are they linked to his self-settling? And have they inadvertently trained him to expect to sleep in their bed? Maybe. yeah, Rihannon wonders what they should do. Look, it's probably a little bit of all of those things. I would be thinking, you know, if he's got a twelve hour sleep need, he's doing ten hours overnight, so he's six AM wake up. So twelve hour sleep need, I'll be putting him to bed at eight PM.
Capping the total day sleep at two hours maximum. That's gonna it should keep that sleep pressure on track. with the quick fade approach, are you stuck at the point where you are padding and shushing in the cot to settle him? Because that's still support that he's going to want overnight, and that can mean that they're waking all the time and fussing a lot. I would probably make the next step to phasing out that hands-on support and then just when you decide you're ready, go all in on just not bed sharing anymore.
I would keep if you've got a bed that you share that's in his room, mm pack it up and move it out of sight, or if he's still in your room, consider moving him to his own room. If a child can see the bed that they want to be in with their parents, it's a bit like we're dangling a carrot. So out of sight, out of mind is always better when you're trying to reduce bed sharing. So I think you've got sort of a little bit of everything to work on there, Rhiannon, but
Well done. You're working on the quick fade approach. You're taking those steps towards independence settling. So you are really, really close. yeah, just look at that daily rhythm, keep working on the independence settling and when you're ready, draw a hard line on no more bed sharing and within a couple of days he's going to understand what those changes really mean, what it's all about. All right, and lucky last we have a really fantastic question from Ran and Freya that I thought
Was a good one that we can really pick apart together. I probably should have done it earlier in the episode, but I just think this this question's really great. so Ran and Freya start by saying, we've gained so much from the course and the podcast, which is awesome, awesome to hear. their son has around a 12-hour, 45 minute sleep need, is still on three naps. so he's having between 38 to 80 minutes per nap. and he's awake for around two to two and three quarter hours between those naps.
And they aim for a 7 p.m. bedtime and a 7am wake-up. His nights are the best they've ever been, but still inconsistent. So a formula feed from dad happens between about 10:30 p.m. and 1.30 a.m. Sometimes a breastfeed from mum between 4 and 6 a.m. With settling needed at around 8 to 10 p.m. and again in the early morning, where he strings together short 5 to 10 minute sleeps.
And can take one to one and a half hours to resettle. Ouch, that's hard. They're on the slow fade approach, and now they're just doing the shushing and staying present, so the padding has been faded out. Well done. But they often replace these dummy several times, and when he escalates, they pick him up and transfer him back to the cot asleep or very drowsy. With mum returning to work two days a week in October and grandma helping, they want a consistent approach.
So their questions are, yeah, are the cud is the cuddling and transferring to the cot asleep reinforcing the hold to sleep association? If they change technique, should they avoid touch altogether now that their padding's been phased out? And is it okay to keep reaching in to replace the dummy while shushing or should they limit how many times they do it? Now I love this question and I think this is such a great one to pick apart.
So I'm going to imagine we're kind of in a coaching call with this family and how I would approach each part of this. First up, the daily rhythm. actually, you know what? First up, I want to say you guys have done a bloody brilliant job. Like, well done. You have clearly come really, really far. If these this is the best these nights have been, that is terrific. And to work through the so fade approach and now only be shushing to sleep.
That's amazing. I'm so proud of you. So well done. That's the first thing I've got to say. Now we've got a few things we can work on that's really gonna help pull this all together. So the first one is he has a sleep need of 12 hours 45 minutes. he's on three naps at eight months of age, and they're doing a 7 p.m. bedtime and a 7 a.m. wake up. So there's a few things that jump out at me. with okay, first up, let's start with he's having three naps per day.
I think this is a baby who is in a cycle of having such a tricky night that they try to catch up on day sleep with a third nap that they actually don't need anymore. But when they play catch up with that third nap, that leads to another tricky night. So I think we've got a bit of a cycle of low sleep pressure overnight happening. At eight months of age, you can be really confident that you can make that push for two naps. It's gonna feel horrible at first because you're essentially not gonna give him the chance to catch up on day sleep after that tricky night.
But we have to halt that cycle. It's not working. And you it's going to be really hard to make progress if we keep offering the third nap because it is kind of hijacking the nights. So move to two naps. That's your your first step. If you're aiming for 7 p.m. bedtime and 7 a.m. wake up, then we are using up 12 hours of their sleep budget overnight alone when they only have a 12 hour, 45 minute sleep need.
So I'm highly doubting that this baby is only having 45 minutes of day sleep. So I would be thinking, I would look, there's so many ways you could do it, Randon Freya. Maybe you decide, okay, we're going to do two naps for maybe two hours maximum total day sleep. That would then mean you've got 10 hours, 45 minutes left kind of in the tank overnight. So maybe that's gonna be maybe it's an 8 p.m. bedtime and a 6.45 a.m. wake up.
I'm terrible at doing maths on the flight. Yeah, that works out. Or maybe you shuffle all that a little bit earlier. Whatever you decide is fine, but you're just going to allow the same opportunity for sleep that matches their unique sleep needs. Because at the moment, we're offering potentially maybe 14 hours of opportunity for sleep. It's too much, and you're getting this frequent night waking. you mentioned, you know, five to 10 minute little mini sleeps overnight, taking an hour and a half to resettle. That's 100% low sleep pressure.
So you might have the really tricky first week on two naps and on that new daily rhythm. By the end of that week, those nights should improve out of sight and your baby's gonna wake up more refreshed and actually power through the day totally fine on two naps, but they need a little bit of a nudge into that pattern. all right, then on to the slow fade approach and the settling. you've got those problems with the dummy as well.
I want you to do a ton of dummy replacement practice during the day when your baby's perfectly happy and awake. Sounds crazy. Why would you give them the dummy when they don't really need it? But babies need to practice these skills when they are well rested and alert, not at 2 or 3 a.m. in the morning when they're tired and cranky and frustrated. Scatter the dummies around the playmat when they're happy and awake. Cheer when they pick one up, cheer if they put it in their mouth. Show them what you want them to do and celebrate it when they do it.
When you replace the dummy, don't put it in their mouth. Put it in their hand and then bring their hand up to their mouth. So they're starting to kind of get the sense of, this is the action I need to use to replace this myself. And then scatter like five dummies around the cot overnight. So it's really easy for your baby to find one. If they drop their dummy, don't immediately reach over and replace it. Wait maybe two minutes. Let them feel a bit frustrated and think, I wish I hadn't done that, because now I, you know, I'm trying to find one.
In those two minutes, they might get really frustrated and not replace it themselves. That's fine. But they've got two minutes of practice where they're thinking, I shouldn't have dropped it. I'm frustrated at what I've done. But also, I need to try and figure out how to get it back again. So it's two minutes of practice that they're having. Before you know it, they're going to develop the skills to be able to completely manage that themselves. And that is going to be like a revelation for you guys because that's probably driving a lot of the night waking as well.
Okay, and then yeah, in terms of the settling approach, so further to that, holding the holding to sleep. So if we try to settle our babies in the cot and it doesn't go well, so we pick them up, hold them to sleep, and then just put them down to sleep. I hate telling families this is horrible, but essentially from your baby's perspective, they're thinking, Cool, got it. As long as I cry really hard for ten minutes, fifteen minutes, whatever it is, then I get the cuddle.
And that can just mean every time you gotta put them down, they escalate because they think, well, I know how to get out of this cut. I've just got to get really, really cranky. So after you change the daily rhythm for a week, when you know that sleep pressure's really nice and high, just go all in on the cot settling and stop the hold to sleep. And that will really quickly understand that, okay, that just doesn't happen anymore.
So I think that answers your question. So that was a real deep dive. And honestly, Ran and Freya, I was almost going to do a whole episode just like working through this because I think there's so much that parents listening can really gain from you know, hearing answers to these sorts of questions. So it was a bit of a long answer, but I think you've got a few different things there that you can really focus on and work on. But if anyone listening in to the answers of any of these questions, you think, I think I need to do that or a bit of this and I'm just not sure or have a crack at it. If it's not going well.
Please, if you're not a member of Sombelle obviously join, but book in for a coaching call. there's one of the member benefits. And I can look at a sleep diary, we can have a bit of a chat, we can go, right, this is the exact plan we need. And then you've got confidence and you'll go, you'll work on sleep and it will all come together. so I'm here to support you. It's my job. So if you need that support, please reach out and we'll see what we can do.
Amazing. This was a really long episode. I've actually got a throat infection right now. I don't know how my voice is held up because I'm feeling absolutely rotten. But we got there. and I didn't want you guys waiting any longer to get the answers to those questions because there were quite a few that came in. But now I'm gonna go and I'm gonna rest a bit. I've got my beautiful kids home on school holidays. It's about to be a long weekend as well, and I'm just really, really yeah, looking forward to having a bit of downtime with the family. So
If you're a sports family, you're probably all excited about this weekend. I think there's like football stuff going on. if you're an F1 fan, there's a pretty great weekend on for Australian F1 viewers. So I don't know, if you're into that, just have a great weekend. And if you're not, just enjoy this beautiful spring weather, get out and about with your little ones and just live, live life, enjoy it. Yeah, get out in nature and have a great time while your kids are little and you can enjoy them.
Awesome. If you if you haven't left a review for us, please go and do it, especially if you're on Apple Podcasts. We've had hardly any reviews in ages. So if you're looking at Apple Podcasts right now, please drop us a review. It's so, so helpful. Really appreciate those who do that. Amazing. I think I'm gonna wrap it up right there. I've just about talked my lungs out. Have an awesome week, everyone. Send in your questions for the next episode if you're a Sombelle member. And take great care. See you next time.
